Be Careful What You Wish For!
by Chinow
Summary: 16 A couple Terran Teens get into more trouble than they meant to when they get visited by random Star Wars idols. Who knew a WalMart could be so dangerous! Will our heroes EVER get out! Will we EVER get another plot! Find out by reading my story
1. Careful What You Wish For.....

Okay, know its been done thousands of times before hand, and I know that I should be working on my other fics but.. I WANNA WRITE WHEN SW MEETS HERE!!!!  
  
This is an A/U. Meaning. my ficcy and I can make my chars act however they wanna!  
  
Moi: Jackie: 5'3", Female, 14, bad attitude, very hyper. Friend: Celly: 5'2", Female, 13, shyish, my Padawan in the art of annoyance.  
  
  
  
"I'm pathetic! It's summer! My parents are gone for two months with no one here to watch me, and what am I doing?! I'm sitting here talking to you!" I ranted into the phone.  
  
"Not that thas a BAD thing," I added quickly, "but think of all the things I could be doing. Like blowing up stuffs or-"  
  
"Jackie?" Selly, my best friend, interrupted.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
I stuck my tongue out to the phone. "Meanie."  
  
"I know, you DID train me!" she said.  
  
"I AM training you. You still have much to learn my young idiotic apprentice." I quoted the revised quote from Star Wars.  
  
There was a sigh on the other end of the phone. "Then," she said, leaving me with the mental picture of the evil grin I made her perfect for nearly three hours, "How about I stay at your house for a couple days! You're Mom isn't there and my parents sure as hell don't give a shit about where I am!"  
  
"Hmm. the two of us could reek a little bit too much damage towards the neighborhood."  
  
There was a silence as the both of us shuddered to remember the last time she came over.  
  
****Flashback****  
  
"BRAKE!! BRAKE IS ON THE LEFT SIDE!!" Selly screamed while I was driving a little too fast.  
  
"Are you sure?" I said, perfectly calm.. I only did this to freak her out, of course I know where the brake is!  
  
"YES!! NOW SLOW DOWN!!!"  
  
"Left side?" I asked.  
  
"Right!"  
  
"Right side?" I said, demonicly grinning.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" she screamed as I slammed my foot into the accelerator peddle, pushing the car to its maximum speed, very glad of the 20 acres of land behind my house.  
  
She continued to scream, even though I had slowly reduced the speed to an easy 20 mph.  
  
"Happy?" I said.  
  
She stopped screaming and peeked through her closed hands. "Are we dead?"  
  
I looked at her and grinned. "Not yet."  
  
That's when I crashed through three fences and into a mailbox, leaving several rather perturbed neighbors.  
  
****End Flashback****  
  
"Nothing that exceeds 5 mph." She said warningly.  
  
I sighed into the phone. "Fine."  
  
"I'll be there in an hour, I'll ride my bike there, okay?"  
  
"Bye." I said, hanging up the phone. "Like my Mom actually LEFT the car HERE!" I said to myself, sitting down in my room, cleaning up a bit.  
  
After it was at least semi-livable, I turned one the TV that I moved from the living room to my room like the day my family left. Channel flipping for a couple minutes until..  
  
"Oooooooo! Star Wars Episode I is on!" I said,  
  
Sometime during the movie, Selly came in and sat beside me.  
  
This held our attention, well, more specifically, Ewan McGregor held my attention and Samuel Jackson held Selly's, for awhile. Then...  
  
KAAAAAAAA-BOOM!  
  
This went unnoticed by the two teens wishing with all her might that they could see the objects of hours of their daydreams up close and personal..  
  
Watch what you wish for..  
  
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After the movie was over, I remembered that there was a loud noise behind me during the "Gungan City" scene. I turned around and saw what most teenage girls everywhere had only seen in daydreams, ficcies, and regular dreams:  
  
An unconscious young cute Obi-Wan Kenobi spewed across my bed.  
  
  
  
Ok, short I know but that was just the prologue! I'll get more (longer) chapters sooner! 


	2. Blasted Jedi!

Yay! People like my story! I'm so happy! Special thankies to my reviewers, Padawan Anika and darth-padme! You two win. uh. :: rummages around the room:: Well, I have two pieces of pineapple pizza. Want it? Tell me in a review!  
  
Oh yeah, I forgoted to do the disclaimer last chapter so here it is!  
  
I do not, despite how hard I wish, own Star Wars. That belongs to The Great Flannelled One. All hail George Lucas!  
  
Now for de story!  
  
  
  
"Oh. My. God." The two of us said simultaneously. (A/N: I know a BIG word!)  
  
I rubbed my eyes and looked again; still amazed that Ewan McGregor was in MY room! By the Force I am LUCKY!  
  
Selly merely pointed and said, "Is he real?"  
  
I nodded. What else could I do?!  
  
Finally, I closed my mouth that had been hanging open and walked towards him. I nudged him with my feet. "Obi? Oooooobiiiiii? Obi-Wan Kenobi?"  
  
He was still out.  
  
Selly finally found her vocal cords again and said, "Thas not Obi-Wan, That's Ewan! Of course he won't answer to Obi!"  
  
I glared. "Shows what you know!"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
I sighed. "Look at him! He's wearing a tunic and stockings! AND," I pointed at his belt, "He's carrying a light saber!"  
  
"How do you notice these things?" she asked.  
  
I folded my arms across my chest. "It's why I'm the master and you're the apprentice."  
  
"You're a Jedi Master?" A voice said behind me.  
  
I whirled around to see that he had awakened.  
  
He looked at me funny. "Dressed like that?"  
  
I glanced down at my battered jeans and a gray shirt that read, 'Stop reading my shirt.'  
  
"Hey! You're not exactly the model for the fashion industry yourself! You're wearing a dress for Force's sake!" I bantered.  
  
"It's called a tunic. Its what Knights are supposed to wear, so I didn't pick it out myself!" he countered.  
  
"Um. Jackie? This my not exactly be the best person to piss off." Selly interrupted.  
  
"And why not?"  
  
She glanced at the light saber. "He could cut you in half in a nanosecond."  
  
I looked at the light saber, too. "Blasted Jedi!"  
  
Obi-Wan looked at me smugly. "Maybe now you can tell me where I am? And why it's such a mess in here?"  
  
"I just cleaned it right before she came over!" I yelled as Selly started giggling.  
  
"I think he's lost. See, this is another dimension from yours. Where we are, there's no such thing as the Force or the Galactic Republic. Well, there's such a thing but it's all fictional. Or so we are told." She explained.  
  
"Fictional?" he asked, "What do you mean?"  
  
"For a Jedi you're pretty dense." I said, casually walking over to my Star Wars corner to make sure my posters, action figures, books and other collectibles were all hidden under the Sewage Tank that is my room. "We mean that you're merely a character in a story played by an actor. a rather cute actor, but an actor just the same."  
  
"So, you think I'm cute?" he said suddenly.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You just said that a rather cute actor played me, and if we look exactly the same, you must think that I am cute as well." He smiled as he said this.  
  
"You assume too much." I quoted as Selly laughed her head off.  
  
"C'mon, Jackie! You know that you've been ogling him ever since you saw the movies!" She said.  
  
"And like you don't have the hugest crush on Mace Windu that ever existed." I pointed out.  
  
Obi-Wan looked like someone had clonked him over the head with a speeder. "You like Master Windu?!"  
  
Selly blushed, a very rare event, trust me. "Yeah, and why is that bad."  
  
"Its not, its just.." Obi paused as if too search for the right word. "Odd. Then again, you two both strike me as odd so it shouldn't surprise me as much."  
  
I glared at him.  
  
All was silent for a few minutes until the stench finally got to Obi. "Can we please get out of the toxic waste dump? I foresee my nose falling off if we stay any longer."  
  
"YOU CAN JUST SHUT UP! MY ROOM IS FINE!" I yelled.  
  
Selly giggled. "He does have a point there."  
  
"Traitor." I muttered under my breath as we all left my room. They two didn't see, but I silently shoved what was exerting the massive stench they were talking about. It was only a two-year old piece of pizza. It was an experiment to see how long it would take to waste away without dirt or anything. Surprisingly, it still looked like pizza, minus the green fuzzy stuff coating the top. I think I might be able to sue the Ceaser's pizza place for that. I still think that the bread was made of plastic, that's why it's still looking semi-normal. Hmmmm...  
  
  
  
Hey reviewers, still want the alleged pizza? ::stares as they run away, throwing up.:: Hmm. I'll take that as a maybe! Reviewing is always a good thing so let's all be good people and click the little "Submit Review" button right down there!  
  
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	3. Braid Boy and his OTHER braid...

Disclaimer: ::clips the red shoes together:: I wish I owned Star Wars, I wish I owned Star Wars, I wish I owned Star Wars!  
  
YAY I OWN STAR WARS!!!!!!!  
  
::lawyers stare evilly at her while getting together their materials needed to sue me::  
  
DAMNIT!  
  
I dunt own Star wars. :sulks::  
  
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After successfully retreating from the Disaster Area, AKA: My room, I turned to Obi-Wan and said, "Obi, you uh. stay here and try not to break anything."  
  
He smiled and said, "I'm not the one who is OBVIOUSLY a pyro."  
  
Selly and I looked quizzically at each other. 'How the hell did he know?!' I thought.  
  
Selly giggled and I stared evilly at her. "You're pushing it, gurlie, you're REALLY pushing it!" I mumbled just loud enough for her to hear.  
  
Selly stopped giggling.  
  
I sighed. "Repeat, Obi you stay here whilst Selly and I go talk about stuff."  
  
"Sure, just one thing."  
  
"What?" I asked, slightly impatiently.  
  
"Who's Selly?" he said with the cutest confused look on his face. You see, normally, I'd twap him massively for being so dense, but two things stopped me.  
  
One was the fact that he just looked so damn cute with the expression on his face!  
  
Two was that Selly beat me to the twapping on the head. "You Baka! We never introduced ourselves!" She yelled at me.  
  
I rubbed the back of my head where she had hit me, "If WE didn't then why did YOU hit ME?!"  
  
"Simple," Obi interrupted, "because everything in the world is you fault."  
  
Great, its not like I have enough people bugging me, we hafta add an extremely hot Jedi Knight.. Who happens to be able to read minds.. SITHSPIT SITHSPIT SITHSPIT!!!!!  
  
I looked up from my embarrassment to see Obi smirking at me. My knees slightly buckled and I suddenly found myself weak. I tried to cover this with my very so sharp tongue, "Watch it Braid Boy, or you'll find my foot jammed up your OTHER braid!"  
  
When I didn't see his shocked expression, I growled and side-kicked the wall, leaving a small dent where my foot had hit it with lightning speed.  
  
Now, I saw the shocked expression. You know the deal: eyes wide in fear, slight tremble in the legs, and mouth hanging wide open.  
  
I glared at him and said in a firm voice, "You. Couch. NOW!" pointing to the living room.  
  
Obi ran like hell to the couch and sat down all angelic like. I happened to notice that his hands where covering the afore mentioned braid.  
  
I smirked and turned to Selly. "We need to talk." And the two of us walked over to the den.  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok guys, short I know but we're getting there! I'll also have the next chapter up sooner so ya'll won't be waiting too long. See yaz!  
  
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	4. Of clicky-clicks, clickers, and alligato...

See, I told ya'll I'd get the next chapter up! I really do spoil you guys too much, huh? ::shrugs:: Oh well! On wif da chapters!  
  
Disclaimer: Do I wear Flannel? NO! Do I look like a guy? HELL NO! Has anyone ever gotten me confused with George Lucas? NO! Then do I own Star Wars? Unfortunately.. No.. ::sniffle sniffle::  
  
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We walked into the den and Selly turned to me. "Well?"  
  
"Selly. You DO realize what's going on here, right?" I said, indicating towards the living room.  
  
She nodded. "We're stuck here with a Jedi Knight. Where's bad? For US anyways?" She grinned.  
  
I look at her odd. I really did do a pretty good job on my Padawan. I remember that it was only last year she was all quiet and shy. Then I sat down at her table and started chatting a mile a minute. Back then, she hadn't even seen the Star Wars movies, much less ogled over the books and hot characters in them.  
  
I thought back again to the little image of her sitting at the table all scared, them looked at her standing there with the ever popular demon glare set cold on her face. I couldn't help but smirk.  
  
"I really did teach you too well, huh?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
I sighed. "I wonder if I can get Obi to be my next Padawan. He certainly has potential. He just needs to learn not to argue with me."  
  
Now it was her turn to look quizzically at me. "You brought me over here to discuss my replacement?"  
  
"No. I just got a little sidetracked, sorry. What I did bring you here to talk about is what we're gunna do with him! I mean, we can't keep him here and I wanna know how he got here and how to send him back!"  
  
She arched an eyebrow. "You wanna send one of the objects of your fantasies back to his home?"  
  
I stared at her and nodded. "He wasn't annoying in my fantasies." I said, ending in yet another one of my frequent Obi-visions.  
  
About five minutes later, I snapped out of it to see Selly gone. I ran over to the living room and saw her teaching Obi how to work the TV.  
  
"Now, you push the clicky-click-"  
  
"The what?" Obi interrupted.  
  
"The clicky-click."  
  
"What in Force's name is a 'clicky-click?'"  
  
"A clicky-click is something that clicks. But it doesn't click quite like the clicker, therefore it's not a clicker, but a clicky-click!" She said as if that explained everything.  
  
I chuckled at Obi's vacant expression, announcing my now conscious self into the room.  
  
Selly looked up. "I see you've woken up."  
  
I nodded. Then I darted my gaze from Selly to Obi nervously. Would my Padawan be so evil as to tell the other Padawan what I was daydreaming about? Oh sith! What if he entered my mind and saw my R-rated thoughts! Oh Emperor's black and charred bones am I ever in trouble if he found out!  
  
Lucky, Selly saw my scared shitless face. "No, don't worry. You're safe."  
  
I nodded in appreciation and Obi looked even more confused, making him even more cute. The hot little bastard!  
  
"Um. I'm officially lost." He stated.  
  
"Then we'll move on to the next conversation topic. Namely, how to get you out of here." I said.  
  
"Aww. I have to leave already?" he truly looked sad.  
  
I nodded. "Yup."  
  
"But her I don't have to deal with Anakin! True, I have to put up with you, but you aren't as bad!"  
  
I grinned and Selly started shaking her head back and forth.  
  
"You never, EVER tell her that someone is worse than her. Trust me!"  
  
Obi looked at me skeptically.  
  
It's true. I looked back again to the past.  
  
~~~Flashback~~~  
  
8th grade. English class. Ms. Williams, hereinafter known as The Scary Lady with a Skunk on her Head. (Or TSLSH)  
  
"Now class. I hafta to say that all of you failed my conduct grade!" TSLSH said to the class. "All that is, except Jacqueline, here."  
  
"Jackie!" I said suddenly. "My name is Jackie."  
  
TSLSH nodded. "Yes well, as I was saying here. You all need to be nicer to people, and more polite, much like Jacqueline here."  
  
I growled. So what? I had been sick and on the about to throw up for the last two months! I wasn't 'nice and polite'! I was on the verge of puking all over the class! BIG difference there. Something that my teacher would soon learn at lunch."  
  
LATER THAT DAY!  
  
Lunch. Still 8th grade. TSLSH had just taken us to the 'dining hall' and decided to sit with her 'newly behaved group of angels.' AKA: My table. AKA: The Food-Fighting Freaks!  
  
Lunch. School Mashed Potatoes. Teacher. Pissed off Food-Fighter.  
  
Mashed Potatoes. Hand. Horizontal Projectile.  
  
Seemingly nice teacher. Lovely, clean black shirt. Impact.  
  
Screaming. Blaming. Detention.  
  
I was never called well behaved since.  
  
~~~End Flashback~~~  
  
I grinned.  
  
Both Selly and Obi took a step back. I can't help it. I guess my Demonic I- planning-something-so-good-that-you'll-remember-this-forever grin.  
  
In reality, it was a bluff. I was in too good of a mood to really think of an evil plot right now, but I did enjoy seeing their lovely shocked faces.  
  
"You are really starting to scare me, you know that, right?" Obi said.  
  
"You don't know the half of it, believe me. There is a reason why she seems so calm, and collected all the time. It's so that you think she won't do anything, then suddenly and before ya know it, she has attacked. She's a regular alligator!"  
  
"What's an alligator?"  
  
" 'Tis a creature who floats by looking all nice and like a log, so the baby elephant decides to wander inside the loverly swimming pool and take a swim. Little does the wittle baby elephant realize that the nice floaty log thing is really a hundred toothed lean-mean-killing-machine that has the power to rip the poor baby elephant into teeny-weeny little strips of baby elephant. And then that's what the alligator does; rip the wittle baby elephant into tiny pieces of blood, guts, and organs. It eats the brain and the skin you see, but leaves drops of blood around. The last thing that the Baby elephant does is give a cry of shear terror as it gets eaten alive by the alligator. Then the Mommy and Daddy elephant come in search for their Baby only to see the blood and gore that the alligator left behind to taunt its prey with." I said. All in one breath, too. Kudos for me!  
  
I received stares from both of my companions.  
  
I blinked. "What? Its true!"  
  
Obi sighed. "Yup, she's an alligator."  
  
"Told ya!"  
  
I grinned.  
  
"Okay, new subject." Selly said, breaking into the silence.  
  
"Like what?" I said smiling innocently.  
  
Obi-Wan leaned over to Selly and whispered, "Is she always like this?"  
  
"What? Weird, mood-swingy and annoying?" she whispered back.  
  
Obi nodded.  
  
"Ya know, I AM right here." I said, unnoticed.  
  
"Yup. Only usually she's worse." Selly said.  
  
"Very hard to imagine her worse. She's already the most despicably evil person I've ever met. And trust me, I have to put up with Sith Lords, Annoying Padawans, Politicians who I foresee will kill us all, and even that annoying troll-thing I have to call a Master because he can beat my arse in 5 secs flat with a lightsaber!"  
  
"ARE YOU COMPARING ME TO THAT SNIVELING SORRY EXCUSE FOR AN ACTOR, ANAKIN SKYWALKER?!" I yelled, again, unnoticed.  
  
"She is quite like a Skywalker in her own way. They are all annoying, evil, and pathetic in their own way."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"I must agree."  
  
"WHY YOU LITTLE-" I started.  
  
"So, what do you guys do for fun here?" Obi said suddenly.  
  
"Normally, I'd try to wreck havoc on my neighborhood somehow, but since your getting annoying and ganging up on me, I'm gunna try to figure out how you got here and how I can send you back to your sorry and pathetic excuse for a universe that will probably be all blown up by the Force-forsaken Death Star and the Damned Sun Crusher anyways!" My voice had started from a soft and quiet tone, slowly increasing to the point of yelling and hitting Obi-Wan on the head.  
  
"Ow.." He said, cringing back.  
  
"Jackie! Happy place, Jackie, happy place." Selly patted my back as I panted and sent Obi a few very good Death Glares.  
  
Finally, regaining my composure, I stood up straight and pretended to straighten out the ever-popular Invisible Tie. "Selly, please do the Star wars Galaxy a huge favor and sit Obi down on the third floor and let him watch TV or something."  
  
Both of them looked at me oddly. "But-" Selly started.  
  
"NOW! OR THE GALAXY WILL BE DEVOID OF A JEDI KNIGHT AND REPLACED BY A SAD EXCUSE FOR A GUY WHO HAS ISSUES AND GETS SCARED BY THE VERY MENTION OF THE WORDS SPOON, CHOCOLATE, AND NAILFILE!!!!!!!"  
  
Obi looked scared as he imagined all the methods of torture using the afore mentioned items. Needless to say, Selly grabbed his hand and ran up the flights of stairs to the third floor, keeping him well away from me.  
  
I smirked as they left. Smirked until that is, I heard a voice coming from behind me.  
  
"That is why you never mess, with a girl on PMS."  
  
I smiled and said, "That's right.. WAIT A MINUTE!" I turned around and saw-  
  
  
  
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So, I'll see if ya'll like it, and if I get enough reviews, MAYBE I'll be all nice like and post the next chapter tomorrow. Or maybe I'll be evil and wait a week. Hm. decisions, decisions.  
  
^_^ Chinow  
  
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	5. ::blink blink:: You aren't yelling at me...

Hey! I have reviewers! I didn't even notice that last chapter. Heh! Sorry, I just looked at the numbers and was too lazy to click the button and read the reviews. Also, just ta let you know, A clicky-click is a remote controller. A clicker is that thing in the car that has the blinking light and when you turn it on, it clicks. I can never remember the name of it so I call it the clicker. Also, just to let you know, a pushy-wushy is a garage door opener. I'll prolly use that in chapters to come. Sometimes I make up words for things that either have no name or I just can't remember the name, or if I just don't like the name. Also, sometimes I ramble on and on and on like this for no apparent reason. But I can't help it! I'm sitting here on my computer at 3:45 in the morning, utterly bored. What the hell am I gunna do but sit here and ramble on and on! Well, I guess I could write the next chapter. Hm. Ok, I'll do that!  
  
Oh yeah, I also wanted to tell ya'll that this is Obi-Wan from Episode I. Not II.  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Insert both a witty but yet informational of your choice here  
  
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I spun around to see who the voices were behind me. He sounded vaguely familiar. As a turned, I saw the object of 3rd period World History's daydreams. The man who had only a few short yet memorable moments in the Star Wars movies. But on the plus side, he had a whole series of books written after him, so that has to count for something, right? Well, technically not about HIM par se, but about his Squadrons. Those I could assume were the group of extremely cute young men behind him.  
  
I looked from face to face, trying to remember their names from the X-Wing series' descriptions, only to see that Michael and Aaron had VASTLY underestimated their hot factor.  
  
Well, first there was of course, General/Commander Wedge Antilles. Or as, he is commonly known amongst a select group of fellow pilot worshipers, The Great One. He definitely had the whole floofy hair bit down. Chocolate brown hair that was cut in my favorite way for guys, ending just a little bit above the ear. Not to mention the soft yet commanding brown eyes that were set on me.  
  
Next to Wedge was what was commonly known as the rest of the Fab Four.  
  
Immediately on Wedge's right was his right-hand man, Tycho Celchu. Oddly enough, he had the hairstyle down, too. Only his hair was blonde, illuminating his blue eyes. Damn, I always had a soft spot for guys with blue or green eyes. Tycho was definitely built, like the rest of his squad- mates. But what else would you expect from a pilot? A fat, old guy? Well, minus Porkins, that would be impossible. But then again, Porkins got his ship blown up in the First Death Star. So there.  
  
My eyes moved towards a character who's very appearance looked mournful. Hobbie, I thought. Who else but the crashing-happy, accident prone, yet still unbelievably cute pilot. Yup, Derek "Hobbie" Kilivian. He was yet another blonde. Yet another hot blonde who I had once thought of as a secondary character. Man was I ever wrong.  
  
Right on Wedge's left was definitely and undeniably the most beautiful man ever created. He had sparkling blue eyes that were far too easy to get lost in. And silky looking black hair that was still a little bit sweaty from whatever it was they had been doing before transported here. This was the man who was not only cute and talented, but had a great personality. He had thought up of the whole Lieutenant Kettch prank on Wedge. Granted, Wedge had gotten him back with finesse I once thought far out of his reach, but he had taken his loss well. Proving once again to be the perfect guy I knew and imagined to be.  
  
Yes. This was him. Rouge Three. He survived Hoth and Endor. Wes Janson.  
  
He was the object of 4th period Computer Applications Daydreams. Naturally, the longest class of the day. Heheheheheee..  
  
After what seemed to be a year and then some, I forced my eyes to move and check out the other pilots.  
  
There was what was known as the "CorSec cutie", Corran Horn. A nickname, which absolutely did him justice.  
  
Before I could properly ogle the rest of them, Selly HAD to come back downstairs.  
  
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?!" she yelled, effectively breaking all of our eardrums.  
  
I sighed. 'Damn her. Why does she have to be here? Can't she just stay upstairs and keep Obi away from me? Yes, good plan. Hook up Obi and Selly, and then both of them are out of my hair. Or just get Selly to go back home. Heheheee.'  
  
"Selly. You're Mom just called. Go home." I said suddenly, forgetting to answer her question completely.  
  
The confusion was evident in her voice. "I didn't hear the phone ring."  
  
"Selly." I said through gritted teeth. "Go. Home. Take Obi-wan with you while you're at it."  
  
Selly looked at me. Then, at the pilots. Then back at me as it finally dawned on her. "Jackie. No way am I leaving you here alone."  
  
By this point, Wes happened to catch on to my ulterior and somewhat naughty motives as well. "But she won't be alone! I'll be here, too!"  
  
Wedge gave Wes a good twap on the head as I blushed liked crazy. "Wes, do you have to flirt with EVERY girl you see?!"  
  
Wes stumbled back in mock horror. "Why General! How could you accuse me of such things! I don't flirt with EVERY girl!" He turned and winked at me. "Just the pretty ones."  
  
Above me, I heard a guttural growl. "Back off, flyboy. I saw her first."  
  
I nearly fainted as I gazed up at the speaker. OBI?! "WHAT THE HELL?!" voiced Selly and I at the same time.  
  
Above me, Obi blushed. "Oh, uh. Nothing. Hey Jackie, when you gonna bring me something to eat, I'm starved!"  
  
"Baka Jedis." I muttered.  
  
"Hey." Corran said. "I take offense to that!"  
  
"So do I!" Obi-Wan said.  
  
"SHUT UP!" I barked at Obi, "No one cares what you think!" I then looked at Corran. "Sorry, but I meant that in the best of ways."  
  
"Okay, why are you nice to HIM but not to ME? I was here first you know!"  
  
"You shouldn't have made fun of her. She holds grudges for a long time you know!" Selly piped in.  
  
"But you were making fun of her, too."  
  
"Yes, but she's my friend! I can make exceptions to a certain extent because it takes FAR too long to break in a new best friend. You have to go through the whole trust issue, the anti-backstabbing ritual, the making sure she's insane enough requirements. All of it is just too long of a process for me to just kill her off because she acts too much like me. Besides, I get to make fun of her too when at all possible!" I grinned.  
  
"You two are starting to scare me. You especially." He pointed at me.  
  
"Why Obi, I'm flattered!"  
  
He growled. "My name is Obi-WAN, not Obi."  
  
Selly nudged him. "C'mon, Obi! It's like a pet name! You DID tell Wes to back off when he was flirting. I sensed a little over protectiveness there."  
  
I waited for the retort from Obi-wan that didn't come. I began to tap my foot and Selly looked at me.  
  
"You aren't yelling at me." she stated.  
  
"I'm waiting for him to deny the fact that he's possessive of something that isn't his and NEVER WILL BE YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE TWIRP!"  
  
Obi-wan blushed and ran back up the stairs to the third floor landing.  
  
"Force help me." I said, slightly losing my balance.  
  
"I KNEW IT! OBI LIKE JACKIE! OBI LIKES JACKIE!!!!"  
  
"Why me? Oh why oh why me?" I said. I would have fallen to my knees, but in mid-fall Wes grabbed me, to help keep me steady. And dammit, I was too incoherent to take full advantage of this.  
  
"Can't exactly blame him, though." Wes purred into my ear, causing me to invent a new shade of red.  
  
"Hmm. I didn't know someone could get that red without hurting themselves." Selly mused.  
  
Wedge cleared his voice in his General way and suddenly the awkwardness was just too much. I sprung up and immediately changed from a blushing yet oh- so-content lovesick teenager, to a perky yet nervous tour guide. "I'm sorry, where my manners-"  
  
"Non-existent." I heard Selly mutter above.  
  
I glared at her then, continued with my little speech. "My name is Jackie and that's Selly. Um... I'm not really sure how you all were brought here but as you can see, we had another visitor from your Universe, only from a different time period, so we have already started to try to figure out what's going on and why cute guys are dropping in my house." I suddenly felt blood rush up to my face as I realized that I had said the cute guys part aloud.  
  
Luckily for me, Selly got into one of her rare but thankful Friendship modes and cut all comments and thoughts off. "If you guys will follow me, I'll show you where your rooms are, while Jackie orders you guys some food."  
  
At the thought of food, I heard a chorus of stomachs growling. Including mine. I ran off to pull out the phone book as I heard Selly above me shuffling and separating the flyboys into the guest rooms.  
  
"Now to find a place that will deliver food enough for one X-Wing squadron, a Jedi, and two teenage girls with the fastest metabolism known to man. Could things get any worse?" I said to no one in particular.  
  
I heard a thumping noise and immediately regretted saying those words. Spinning around, I muttered only one coherent thing before screaming like there was no tomorrow. "Damn Murphy's Law."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
(No, no, not the end. Merely a scenery change, I wouldn't give you two cliffies back to back! Not even I am that evil!)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Up stairs on the third floor~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Which one is Jackie's room?" Wes asked, receiving yet another twap from Wedge.  
  
"None, her room is the one downstairs. And no, there isn't another bedroom there. The closest would be the rooms on the second floor, but I think we need to stay up here." Selly replied.  
  
"Why is that?" Wedge asked.  
  
"Because," Selly said, "I want a full floor between him," she pointed at Wes, "him," she pointed at Kenobi, "And Jackie."  
  
Wedge nodded in agreement, while Wes and Obi both pouted.  
  
Selly grinned and nudged Obi-Wan playfully. "Why so glum, chum?"  
  
Before he could even answer, a loud piercing scream was heard from downstairs. Before you knew it, the whole herd- minus Selly, she doesn't have as good reflexes as the rest- was running downstairs. When they got there, I swear they would have sweat dropped if this were anime. It was definitely a Sweatdropp called for occasion.  
  
There was Jackie, pressed up against the wall, still screaming and pointing at the 'horror' set before her. Only about 10 yards away, in the kitchen area were about half a dozen Ewoks.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gawd, I'm sorry but those lil Ewok things ARE scary! C'mon! There three- foot tall teddy bears! Who WOULDN'T be scared? ::shudders::  
  
Anyways, I'm trying to bring in another character.. Another Non-Star Wars character anyways! So, here's the deal, if you want to be in my ever-so- screwed-up fic, be the first person to review with a profile/background thingie and I'll put you in! Though why you would want to be in my screwed up fic is beyond me.  
  
BUT if ya do... One lil thing... WES IS OFF LIMITS!!! There! If you want to be in my story, you cannot have Wes. Anyone else is OK, but not him. And yes, I have plans for my lil Obi-stalker. MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA- **Cough** **Cough** **Wheeze** **Choke** **Dies**  
  
Spirit Chinow: Review! Or I'll haunt you forever! BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA- **Cough** **Cough** Not. **cough** Again.**wheeze** **Chokes** **Disappears**  
  
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| | | \ / 


	6. Will the Insanity NEVER cease?

Sorries that I haven't been able to update as soon as I had hoped. I uh. ::pulls out BIG BOOK OF EXCUSES FOR FANFICTION WRITERS:: Ah yes, number 265:  
  
'I'm sorry, I haven't updated in a while, but the Evil computer gnomes blew up my computer.'  
  
Oh yeah, bout my little contest thingie.......  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND THE WINNER IS!  
  
:: Suspenseful drum roll:: VEGESA: SSJ JEDI KNIGHT!  
  
Her muse will also appear in later chapters on account of the fact that I just don't feel like adding another chapter with two new intros!  
  
Disclaimer: Ok, Star Wars was made in like, the late 70s! Was I even capable of writing such masterpieces as that during that time period?! NO! Therefore and henceforth, I DON'T OWN STAR WARS YA BLOOD-SUCKING, DREAM- CRUSHING VULTURE OF A LAWYER!!!!!  
  
*Ahem* On with the story. (Which to be frank is a lil bit long. But what can I say? I was bored during math class!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Selly was leading the pilots around the third floor. She pointed to the individual rooms that they were assigned to. When Wes asked which room Jackie's was at and Selly pointed downstairs, he looked sad.  
  
"Why so far away?" he whined.  
  
"Because," she answered with a glare, "I want the two of you separated at ALL times! From all the ravings I think that you two have too much in common for the universe's good."  
  
Before anyone could comment or even laugh at Wes, a loud, piercing scream was heard from the first floor.  
  
"Damn, what did she do now?" Selly asked as she saw the quick-reflexes group run after a nanosecond of hearing the scream.  
  
When the group got downstairs, they saw Jackie standing there, stuttering like a moron, and pointing at the kitchen.  
  
"E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-"  
  
"E? E what?!" Wedge snapped.  
  
The only answer was the repeated E.  
  
"E. mail?"  
  
"Electricity?"  
  
"Easter?"  
  
"English?"  
  
"Evil mind-numbing mutant refrigerators bent on taking over the galaxy, destroying humanity as we know it due to the fact that we pathetic humans are set upon hiding the old smelly fruitcakes our great grand parents have sent us?"  
  
Everyone gave Selly a glare.  
  
"WHAT? It could happen!" she defended.  
  
"Hmmm. wonder why I didn't think of that." Wes mused.  
  
If this were under the anime section and not Movies, I swear that everyone present -minus Selly of course- would have done a very good group face fault right about..... here!  
  
"EWOKS!!!!!!" Jackie suddenly screamed, running behind Wes and clinging onto his arm.  
  
"Yet another reason why Ewoks are cool!" he grinned.  
  
I gave him a quick glare, followed by an even quicker twap to the head. "Exactly what part of THREE-FOOT tall teddy bears with SPEARS that EAT PEOPLE and worship DROIDS do you think is 'cool'?"  
  
"They yub." He replied simply and with a smirk.  
  
"Oy vey!" both Wedge and I said, me adding a slap to the head.  
  
"I will admit that the Kettch thing was funny." I muttered.  
  
Wes beamed and Hobbie glared at me, "You HAD to inflate his ego even more, didn't you?!"  
  
Meanwhile, Selly was confudled, "What's a Kettch?"  
  
"Weeeeell, if you read the Rouge Squadron series, LIKE I TOLD YOU TO A THOUSAND TIMES, then you would know that Lieutenant Kettch is an ongoing prank between Wedge and Wes throughout the creation of the Wraith Squad involving Ewoks."  
  
Selly's face fell, "You mean I have yet ANOTHER prankster to deal with?"  
  
"Another? What do you mean another?" Tycho said, worriedly. The Wraiths looked over at Obi-Wan with a glare.  
  
"What?! No, not me!" he said, backing away.  
  
"No, I'm talking about that demon child over there!" she yelled, pointing at me.  
  
I put on my very best angelic face as Wes looked down at me. "You into practical jokes, too?"  
  
My face turned into a grin, "You could say that."  
  
"SHE'S DOING THE DEMENTED EWOK GRIN!" Corran yelled.  
  
"I thought only Wes could be capable of such evilness!" Hobbie groaned, stepping away from me.  
  
"Force save us all," Tycho and Wedge muttered.  
  
"Well, I HAVE been known to do a few -harmless- pranks in my day.." I admitted.  
  
"HARMLESS?!" Selly yelled, "Harmless?! You call convincing that sub back in 6th grade that the vampires had taken over your body and he was next, harmless?!  
  
******Flashback******  
  
You see an old guy running through the halls of our old Middle School, with a look of sheer terror screaming, "THE VAMPIRES ARE COMING! THEIR HERE!!!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!"  
  
******End Flashback******  
  
"He quit teaching!" she screamed.  
  
"He was mean to us all!" I defended.  
  
"NOT to mention the whole I pledge allegiance to the toupee thing!" she said.  
  
******Flashback******  
  
You see our beloved American Flag and the whole Elementary school saluting it. Then, underneath it, you see our principal's toupee.  
  
******End Flashback******  
  
"It scared me!" I yelled.  
  
"AND the, what? Seven? SEVEN food fights! In Middle School alone! I lost count how many in Elementary and High School!" she yelled.  
  
"Actually, it was only six, seven was in High school." I corrected.  
  
Needles to say, the look on her face at this point was perfectly priceless. It was also too indescribable for me to uh. describe.  
  
"We're stuck here with a female Wes.. great." Tycho mused.  
  
"Jackie, what's wrong?" Obi asked, the only one noticing the look of sheer terror in my eyes and the fact that my face was all scewnched up as if holding in a scream.  
  
"What? What is it?"  
  
I pointed down at my leg, where a little furry creature was poking it with a stick. It wasn't -that- bad, until that is he desided to be 'nice and friendly' and touch it.  
  
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!" I screamed, jumping Scooby-Doo style into Wes's arms. "Get it away, get it away, get it away, get it away!" I repeated, burying my head into his shoulder.  
  
"See? I TOLD you all Ewoks were cool!"  
  
Obi-Wan harrumphed and stomped off.  
  
"Awww. poor Obi is jealous." Selly eased.  
  
Lucky for Selly, she got to avoid death and dismemberment again because the Ewoks had started to chant in the kitchen.  
  
"What the hell is that?" I said.  
  
"Wes, you can put her own now. The Ewoks won't hurt her and you know that." Wedge said.  
  
"Oh no! I'm still traumatized by it!" I nodded.  
  
"That's right Wedge! We wouldn't want anything to happen to lovely host, now would we?"  
  
"In fact.. I think I should go upstairs, away from the big furry things.. I'll naturally need a bodyguard..."  
  
"Good idea! I'll go!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
To continue with our plot, Selly will now have point of view privileges.  
  
*Ahem* We will now continue with our regularly scheduled fic.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I watched the two run upstairs and was not worried or grossed out at all. After all, I KNEW this was a PG 13 fic and -not- under romance, so by all laws of fan fiction, nothing happened.  
  
After taking all this in for future tormenting, I lead the group to the kitchen to see what was up. When we saw it, all of us were amazed.  
  
Seated on top of the counter was a -very- freaked out teenage girl. She had short blonde hair and blue eyes. Below her, the Ewoks were chanting and bowing down. As soon as she saw me and the pilots she mouthed the words, "Help me!"  
  
"Wedge, what do Ewoks eat?" I asked.  
  
"Food."  
  
I glared, then turned my attention back to the Ewoks as an evil plan worthy of a student of Jackie started to form.  
  
"Hey you fuzzy things! There's food for ya right up those stairs. A girl with brownish hair has it for ya!" I called to them.  
  
At the word food, all the Ewoks gave up their chanting and ran up the stairs. I couldn't help but laugh as I heard the screeching of Jackie above us.  
  
"You can stop cowering, they left." Corran said to the girl, helping her down.  
  
She looked through peeked hands and jumped off. "YAY! They left!" she cheered, and then looked over at Corran. "Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo LIGHTSABER!"  
  
Before anyone could move or even say anything, she darted over and snatched it from Corran's belt, igniting it. "Ooooooo pretty.." She said, staring at the glowing instrument of death.  
  
Insert another anime sweatdrop here.  
  
As Corran moved top take it back, Wedge stopped him. "Hold it. I have a feeling that she is as crazy as her," he pointed upstairs. "Right now, I might be best if she were kept occupied."  
  
He nodded in agreement. "Okay, just as long as she doesn't-"  
  
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" the girl screamed, grabbing her hand and dropping the saber.  
  
Yup. you guessed it folklies! The curiosity had gotten the best of her and poor little guest touched the blade.  
  
"It HUUUUUUUURRRRTS!" she screamed.  
  
"No dip Sherlock!" I said.  
  
"Well, how was -I- supposed to know that?!" she countered.  
  
"It's a friggin LIGHTSABER!" I yelled.  
  
"So?" she blinked.  
  
I threw my hands up in the air, " I give up!"  
  
"SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" an ear-piercing scream came from upstairs.  
  
"Oh shit!" I knew that voice. That was Jackie's I'm-so-pissed-so-I'm-gunna- hurt-you-so-bad-that-you'll-wish-you-were-dead-then-after-begging-I'll- grant-you-your-wish voice. I quickly jumped to my feet and did a short bow to everyone.  
  
"Sorry, it's been nice knowing you."  
  
"Vegesa." The blonde informed.  
  
"Yeah, listen Vegesa, its been fun and all, but I gotta go run for my life now, ok? OKAY! BYE!" I said, running past wedge and out the door.  
  
Behind me, I swore I heard someone mutter, "Will the insanity never cease?"  
  
I thought to myself with a grin, 'Phswa! Like -that- would ever happen!' and sped off into the woods, not even looking back at the deranged black belt chasing me.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, there's the chapter! Now, I'm gunna do a lil bit of referring for you guys!  
  
First off, ANYTHING by Kelly Cracken ! She is like, a really good author lady and I don't know WHY people don't read her stories that much BUT I LOVE THEM ALL! Not to mention she usually updates once a day, unlike me! ;- )  
  
Rouge Knight: I have heard that this one's gunna be really long for those of you who like reading long stories. What happens here is that the Wraiths have disappeared and its up to the Rouges and a Rouge Jedi to help save them all!  
  
And then, there's stuff by my new character, Vegesa. I highly HIGHLY recommend reading 'Star Wars Summer School'. What happens is authors on fan fiction go to a school to learn the 'proper way of writing'. Classes taught by the characters of Star Wars and. I'M IN IT!!!! Yays! (Naturally, Wes is taken in that story too so again, LAY OFF, HE'S MINE!!! Thank you and have a nice day.) 


	7. It's shiny And glowy And coooooooooooooo...

............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ...............................................................-  
  
Jam the Jellied Ghost: OK, they get the point; you're stupefied.  
  
Me: .......................  
  
Jam: You'll have to excuse her, she just looked at her review count.  
  
Me: Me. 33. reviews.  
  
Jam: Yeah, yeah. Big deal, other people have more.  
  
Me: SO WHAT?! 33 reviews and we're only on chapter 7?! That's like... nearly 5 per chapter!  
  
Jam: Actually, it's 4.714285714285714285714285714285714285 a review per chapter.  
  
Me: -_-;;  
  
Jam: ^_______________^  
  
Me: You've been hanging around me for too long.  
  
Jam: Actually, I've been trying to ditch you for a while now. You just keep coming back!  
  
Me: ::sniffles:: You-You-YOU DON'T LIKE ME?!  
  
Jam: Nope, I don't. And you're story sucks too.  
  
Me: ::in near tears:: FINE! YOU WRITE THE DANG CHAPTER! I'm gunna go read some fanfics..  
  
Jam: WHAT?! Me? Write? A . a. A CHAPTER?  
  
Me: YES! ::runs away::  
  
Jam: ::looks nervously at all the reviewers tapping their feet:: Uh... heh. Here's the next chapter.. Um. yeah.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I jumped over the railing only to see that Selly had already gone out the back door. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE- Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. lightsaber!" I said, pouncing on the alleged item and turning it on. For the moment, I was quiet and staring at the purple light emitting from it.  
  
I didn't even notice when a blonde girl walked by me and looked at it odd.  
  
"Its purple." She observed.  
  
"Yeah, so? It's shiny. And glowy. And cooooooooooooooooooooool."  
  
"Only one Jedi has a purple lightsaber."  
  
"Huh?" I took my attention off the coolio item and looked at her, trying to remember A.) If she was right or not; and B.) Who was she?  
  
I remembered the answer to A as it dawned on me what that meant.  
  
"I'll be taking that back now." Mace Windu said, reaching for the glowing saber in my hand.  
  
"No way! Finders keepers! I got plans for disen lightsaber so you can't have it!"  
  
"But its mine."  
  
I merely stuck my tongue out and quickly turned it off and hide it behind my back.  
  
Before he could object or try to get it back, he found a very angry teenager thrown on top of him in a fury of punches and kicks.  
  
I just stared at a moment at one of the 'Greatest Jedi of all Time' getting his ass kicked by what looked to be no more than a 13 year old girl.  
  
"A little help here!" he cried over her screams and sobs. He was currently trying to disengage the girl who was now punching his gut.  
  
"That's definitely going to leave a bruise." I replied as the pilots - ever the heroes - ran forward to help him. With their combined strength, they managed to pull her off of him. However, none could stop the incesent yelling.  
  
"YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED HIM IN FRONT OF HIS OWN SON! I -HATE- YOU!!!!!"  
  
"What is she -talking- about?" Mace-y gasped.  
  
"I'm guessing from her screams that she's either a Jango or Boba Fett fan. Probably both actually. Her precense reminds me of someone. Tis a prescense I have not felt in a long time. Never in fact."  
  
"Wrong universe." The girl said, taking a break from yelling at the Jedi.  
  
"Sorry, with all the Star Wars people I forgot I was still here in the real world." I apologized.  
  
"Its ok. It took me a little bit to figure out if he was Mace or Samuel. But I figure hurting either one would be satisfying."  
  
"You really do remind me of someone. Another author on Fanfiction.net actually." I said, trying to remember who.  
  
"Vegesa: SSJ Jedi Knight." She helped.  
  
"Oh yeah! Hi! I'm Chinow! But for now you can call me Jackie. I'm in your fic, remember?" I asked.  
  
"Oh yeah! You're the one whose dating mmmmph." The last part was muffled do the fact that my hand had been covered over her mouth.  
  
"Ex-nay on the Wes-ay. He's here, eh?"  
  
She nodded and I dropped my hand, then looked around frantically. "Hey, is um. -he- here yet?" she asked.  
  
"Nope, but at the rate things are going, we'll probably have every frickin' character here by chapter 10, er... a couple of days."  
  
"Yay! I'm gonna go torture Mace some more!"  
  
"Go for it." I said.  
  
Fortunately for Mace, and unfortunately for everyone else who wanted to see him get hurt, he had ran off somewhere during our meeting.  
  
"Dangit Where could he have gone?"  
  
I shrugged, then tuned around as timing that seemed a hell of a lot like a fanfic helped move the plot along. Yup, Selly had come back, panting like a dehydrated puppy left in the car for hours. Not that I know what that looks like of course! I was only 7, give me a break! Poor Snuffles..  
  
"Ran.miles...you not.chase me. Why?"  
  
I cocked an eyebrow and turned my head in a confused look. "Oh yeah! I'm mad at you, aren't I?"  
  
She fainted. From either exhaustion or simply my own stupidity, the world will never know. Just like those damn Tootsie Pops. Ever notice how each time you count to see how many licks it is to the center, you either lose track or it changes? IT'S A CONSPERIACY I TELL YOU! A CONSPERIACY!  
  
Ahem, moving on.  
  
Wedge walked over to the unconscious Selly and picked her up, carrying her to the couch.  
  
Just then! Wes, Obi-Wan, and Mace all came down the stairs. I couldn't help but giggle at the fact that Mace was using the younger two as a shield. Most powerful Jedi in the Universe. Heh.  
  
Wes came forward and did a short little mock bow. "With the brilliance of me, and the 'Stun' feature on my blaster, also -slight- help from our Jedi friends-"  
  
"SLIGHT?!"  
  
Wes glared at Obi, then proceeded with his speech. "-I- have managed to seal away the Ewoks in an empty room, ridding them from you and thusly preventing any more outbreaks."  
  
I smiled, completely catching the slightly Hobbie-like tone used at the thought that I wouldn't be clinging onto him any more. From the Ewoks anyways.  
  
Hobbie then cleared his throat.  
  
"Yes? What do you want?" I demanded.  
  
"Um. I'm hungry."  
  
I glared and Hobbie backed up a bit. "You. Want -me- to feed. 16 PEOPLE?!"  
  
Everyone nodded and I sweatdropped.  
  
"Fine, I'll go borrowwithouttheintentonreturning some money from my Mom, then order pizza, ok?"  
  
**THRE HOURS, ONE VERY FREAKED OUT DELIVERY GUY, and one VERY rich Pappa John's restaurant LATER**  
  
"I loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove pineapple pizza!" I said, gulfing down another slice.  
  
"How the hell can you eat that much of something so disgusting?" Obi asked, referring to the large empty pizza box sitting in front of me.  
  
"It was gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood." I said, grinning.  
  
"And who would have thought there is someone in the Universe who actually LIKES anchovies on their pizza." Selly mused.  
  
It was true, we didn't know what the SW people would like so, we ordered one box of pizza for everything they had. The anchovies pizza had disappeared the fastest. Wedge and Corran (much to my dismay) threw the Ewoks the leftovers. I still say we starve the little beasts. On the side note, according the the two, the Ewoks had been chanting to the 'Almighty Giver of Light." Who knew a lamp could be worshipped?  
  
"We should really go grocery shopping tomorrow." Vegesa said. "As much as I would love eating nothing but pizza for awhile, I need my ice cream and other stuffs."  
  
"Yes, cooking. Jackie with a microwave. Fuuuuuuuuuuuun." Selly muttered.  
  
"Not to mention safe for the environment!" I added.  
  
******Flashback******  
  
*poke poke poke*  
  
"Jacqueline, how is your cake coming out?" the etiquitte teacher asked.  
  
"Um.. Uh." I had the cake shoved back in the oven. "Its um. great."  
  
"Wonder. Remember, you are here to practice your inner femimity. You must be able to cook in order to be a good housewife." She walked off and I gave her the finger.  
  
I then turned back to the oven, only to see something purple oozing out from it. I opened the stove to see a huge purple thing with pink spots.  
  
"Uh-oh." I grabbed the monstasity and looked around. The nearest thing I saw to hide it in was a microwave, so I stuck it in there, not noticing the trails of foil I had attached to it. I also failed to notice the fact that I hit the ON button as I was cleaning up the mess.  
  
Let's all use our imaginations.....  
  
KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!  
  
******End Flashback******  
  
"No, as bad as it may be, we need to do it Take-out is too expensive."  
  
"Fine, But Wedge is going with you! He seems responsible enough to control you in public."  
  
"HA! No one can control me! What? Why are you all staring at me? STOP IT!"  
  
Selly sighed. "You should also pick up a few clothes for them."  
  
"Alright, alright. Tomorrow, I walk to the rental store, pick up a van, take whoever wants to come to Wal-Mart and buy supplies, OK? So who else is going?" I asked.  
  
"I am!" Wes said, raising his hand.  
  
"Me, too." Vegesa piped in.  
  
"Then I'm staying." Mace said.  
  
"On second thought, I'll go."  
  
"I changed my mind, I'll go, too."  
  
"Then, I'll stay."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Then I'll go."  
  
"I feel the sudden urge to shop."  
  
"In that case, I'll stay here and help out."  
  
"I now feel helpful."  
  
"Then you don't need two people to stay and help out, I'll go with Jackie."  
  
"I need to get out more, I'll come, too."  
  
"I should stay."  
  
"I should stay here too, keep you guys company."  
  
"STOP FOLLOWING ME!"  
  
"My my my. Whatever do you mean, Mace dearest?" Vegesa said in fake sweetness.  
  
"Enough. Vegesa, you come. I need another hyper person with me to pick out the best sugar,"  
  
"ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.. Suuuuuugar."  
  
"NO! No sugar-y products." Selly said.  
  
"Too bad. I'm going you're not. Noting you can do about it, so there!" I stuck my tongue out at her.  
  
She sighed. "Fine. Pilots and Vegesa go with Jackie. Jedis and I'll stay here."  
  
"Great, now if you'll excuse me, its late and I need my Internet time. I'll see you all in the afternoon." I said, standing up.  
  
"Don't you mean the morning?" Obi asked.  
  
"What kind of sick psyhcopath actually wakes up before noon on their own accord?" I asked.  
  
One by one, everyone's hand was raised.  
  
"Ya'll are weird." I said, humming the words to the Hamster Dance as I went into my room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Me: Well, that sucked. Hardly worth the two weeks it took to get out.  
  
Jam: Shut up, I'm not the author-lady you are.  
  
Me: Well, now you see how hard it is to write a fanfic! :-P  
  
Jam: I hate you.  
  
Me: Feelings mutual dear!  
  
Jam: Don't call me dear.  
  
Me: Whatever.  
  
REVIEW! YA KNOW YA WANNA!!!! 


	8. When in doubt, act stupefied

Me: Since I am sooooooooooooooooooooo nice-  
  
Jam: ::scoffs::  
  
Me: And I love you all sooooooooooooooooooooo much-  
  
Jam: ::gags::  
  
Me: And I was sooooooooooooooooooooo touched by all my reviews-  
  
Jam: And you were sooooooooooooooooooooo bored.  
  
Me: ::punches Jam the ex-Jellied Ghost:: I have decided to write the next chapter already! Don't ya'll love me? This is also in apology for making ya'll wait two weeks. Heh.  
  
Jam: DON'T READ THE STORY IT SUCKS!  
  
Me: SHUT UP YOU DOLT! You're a bad muse!  
  
Jam:: looks proud::  
  
Me: Grrrrrrrrrrr..  
  
Jam: ::looks scared::  
  
Me: To quote the great Hiro, "Omae o koroso!!!!!" ::chases after Jam with a hair curler, screaming battle cries::  
  
Jam: ::runs away. Runs far away. Runs far away very quickly::  
  
Me: ::stops and turns back to the reviewers:: I'm bored, so here's question- and-answer the reviewers.  
  
To Vegesa: Thanks, ya liked it! It's hard to put in another character that I don't know that well. But I figure, insanity = fun so I made you insane. Was I right?  
  
To Lightbulby: I am psychic. ::twilight zone music:: Yes, I know what you are thinking. HEY! You in the back! WHADDYA MEAN YOU DON'T LIKE MY STORY SO FAR?! COME BACK HERE!!!!  
  
*Ahem* To Asrien: I'm getting to the Ewoks, just hold on, ya big baby! For those curious, the next chapter will be dedicated to the Ewoks. ::shudders:: It will be up by Friday, if all goes well.  
  
To Aurie: Sith Lord coming, be patient. And I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT MOVIE! I will be inserting quotes from that!  
  
**NOTE** The following link to to an EXTREMELY funny SW movie that you may want to watch. I can't download it right now, so I'm going from memory about a couple months ago. YOU STILL SHOULD WATCH IT!! IT'S HILARIOUS!  
  
http://download.theforce.net/theater/tpm/Tpm.html  
  
Now, ONTO THE STORY!!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Okay, so who's got cash?" I asked the group.  
  
"Cash?" The pilots questioned.  
  
I sighed. "Yeah, cash, money, de nero, d'argent, moula, bills, coins, the green, currency, cold hard cash, credits, whatever! The junk that makes the world go round that is very hard to come by."  
  
"Oh, don't worry. I'll handle it." Wedge said.  
  
((**wink wink foreshadow.**))  
  
I raised an eyebrow. "Alrighty then. Everyone hop in da Not-so coolio Mini- Van and we'll be off!"  
  
Order: Me- Driving Vegesa- Shot Gun Wedge and Tycho- Back Seat Wes and Hobbie- Back Back Seat Corran- Far back seat cos no one likes him  
  
"Hm.. I'm bored!" I mused.  
  
"Let's sing a song!" Vegesa suggested.  
  
"Force no!" called the Back Seat  
  
"! Million bottles of beer on the wall, one million bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around." the two of us sang anyway.  
  
"999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!!" Wes and Hobbie joined in from the Back Back Seat.  
  
"Lead, we're surrounded!" Tycho screamed.  
  
"Take evasive action!" Wedge yelled through the chaos.  
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!!!"  
  
"To what?"  
  
"Anything will distract those two nimrods."  
  
"Which two, the Earthlings or Wes and Hobbie?"  
  
Wedge sat there and pondered. "Both actually."  
  
Tycho nodded.  
  
"999,999,994 bottles of beer on the wall!"  
  
I yawned in the middle of it and stopped.  
  
"What's wrong Jackie?" Wes asked. "Why you no sing?"  
  
"It gets boring after awhile."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Hey, what's everyone's favorite lightsaber color?" Vegesa asked randomly.  
  
I slammed my foot on the brakes and everyone lurched forwards.  
  
"WHAT THE SITH WAS THAT FOR?!" Corran yelled, now in the front seat with us. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Shoulda been wearing his seat belt!  
  
I turned and looked Vegesa straight in the eye. "Lightsaber colors lead to evil."  
  
She merely blinked so I sighed and explained my self in a Yoda-y voice. "Light saber colors lead to stupidity. Stupidity leads to redundancy. Redundancy leads Internet discussions. Internet discussions lead to anger. Anger leads to Flame Wars. Flame Wars lead to administrators barging in on fun. Administrators lead to suffering. And suffering leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. Anger leads to Trouble with a capital T which rhymes with P and that stands for Peru! And Peru.. Is evil."  
  
Blink.  
  
Blink.  
  
Blink.  
  
Blink.  
  
Blink.  
  
Blink.  
  
I started up the car.  
  
Blink.  
  
Blink.  
  
Blink.  
  
And then, I proceeded on our merry little way to Wal-Mart.  
  
And guess what?! I ONLY HIT 8 PEOPLE! Damn old lady, should learn to get a car. Oh wait, I mean.. Another car. Besides the scrap of metal she was in that no way resembles a car. WHAT?! She's rich, she can get another one! Right?  
  
Heh. SCENE CHANGE!!!  
  
  
  
Selly was bored. Selly was channel flipping. Selly was extremely bored. Selly felt like talking in third person. Selly says to fuck off if you don't like it. Selly get mad when Selly get bored.  
  
****JUST THEN!*****  
  
Mace walked in the room and sat down on the couch. He watched as Selly flipped the channel every .784 seconds. Sad thing is.. We actually timed that once. We have no life, eh? BACK TO THE FANFIC!!  
  
Selly looked up at Mace and grinned. Mace looked rather. scared.  
  
"MACE-Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she cried, throwing herself upon him.  
  
"ACK! KENOBI! SHE'S DOING IT AGAIN!!!!!!!"  
  
Obi-Wan rushed down the stairs only to see that a female teenager had once again, attacked Mace.  
  
"Jeez Master, you sure do have a way with the ladies." He sniggered.  
  
"Ha. Ha. Just get me loose!" he cried, pointing to the young'in now attached to his leg.  
  
Right as Obi-Wan sighed and took a step forward, Selly abruptly stood up and walked off.  
  
"What the." Mace started.  
  
"You learn not to ask Master Windu." Obi-Wan interrupted. He then picked up the disregaurded Clicky-Click and began channel-flipping.  
  
Mace, still stupefied sat down as well. When in doubt, act stupefied.  
  
  
  
  
  
I screeched to a stop, spinning the mini-van and somehow managing to park in a parking spot. KUDOS FOR ME!  
  
"Ok. Here's the thing. For those of you who haven't been in a Super Wal- Mart before, we need to split up and cover more ground. Our mission should you choose to accept it, actually you have no choice in the matter, is to retrieve clothes and food. Rouge Three and Four, you both have Clothing duty. Nine, Two and Lead will assist in regular food shopping. Just grab anything that looks edible. The Terrans will search and detain all sugar and snack foods. Now LETS MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!"  
  
I grinned as the whole group spread out to their designated areas. "I love the military..."  
  
With that, I grabbed a cart and sped on my merry little way to the frozen foods isle.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sorry for it being late guys! I'll get the next chappy up sooner, I PROMISE!!!!  
  
::holds and sways pocket watch:: You WILL review... You WILL review.. You WILL review.. You WILL- ah fuck it, I dropped the watch! Uh. I mean..  
  
Heh.  
  
HAVE A DAY! 


	9. Omake 1: The Effects of Pepsi Blue on th...

SERIOUSLY sorry about the wait for this, ok? Trust me, I had a LOT of first (and second and third and fourth and fifth, etc.) drafts, but I wanted this to actually be worth it! Gomen Nasi my dear reviewers! GOMEN NASI!  
  
Jam: No one understands you when you speak in Japanese except other freaks.  
  
GRRR to you! You are a BAD muse!  
  
Jam: So?  
  
Alright! THAT'S IT! Jam is officially banned as my muse.  
  
Jam: You can't ban me unless we kill each other.  
  
Ok then, I'll just get more muses. Hm.. Who would be a nice muse for me?  
  
Wes!Clone: Hiya there, Chin.  
  
*.*  
  
Wes: ::grin::  
  
Jam: ::rolls eyes::  
  
You. you... you..  
  
Wes: Heard you were looking for a muse.  
  
::nods slowly::  
  
Wes: ::grin:: Well, I'm here for inspiration. But! If you don't write a lot, I'll be forced to leave.  
  
::eyes go wide::  
  
START THE FRICKING CHAPTER ALREADY! WES MUST NOT LEAVE!  
  
(PS: Omake is like an insertion thing. An Intermission from the ACTUAL fic) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"GAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" A mysterious mystical figure screams. "HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"  
  
Mysterious Mystical Figure gets hit by a semi.  
  
Back to the Omake...  
  
Squiggy was in the land of the gods. Yup, the Almighty Giver of Light, The Holy Pond of Fresh Water, and the Clear Cylinder of Lemony-Freshness. To witness such gods was seen as a blessing to the other 11 Ewoks.... But Squiggy WAS BORED!  
  
So, Squiggy climbed out a window and ran away.  
  
"Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yu- "  
  
Squiggy was hit by a semi.  
  
  
  
Quiggy was in the land of the gods. Yup, the Almighty Giver of Light, The Holy Pond of Fresh Water, and the Clear Cylinder of Lemony-Freshness. To witness such gods was seen as a blessing to the other 10 Ewoks.... But Quiggy WAS BORED!  
  
So, Quiggy climbed out a window and ran away.  
  
"Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yu- "  
  
Quiggy was hit by a semi.  
  
  
  
Nicket was in the land of the gods. Yup, the Almighty Giver of Light, The Holy Pond of Fresh Water, and the Clear Cylinder of Lemony-Freshness. To witness such gods was seen as a blessing to the other 9 Ewoks.... But Nicket WAS BORED!  
  
So, Nicket climbed out a window and ran away.  
  
"Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yu- "  
  
Nicket was hit by a semi.  
  
  
  
Fiddle was in the land of the gods. Yup, the Almighty Giver of Light, The Holy Pond of Fresh Water, and the Clear Cylinder of Lemony-Freshness. To witness such gods was seen as a blessing to the other 8 Ewoks.... But Fiddle WAS BORED!  
  
So, Fiddle climbed out a window and ran away.  
  
"Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yu- "  
  
Fiddle was hit by a semi.  
  
  
  
Joe was in the land of the gods. Yup, the Almighty Giver of Light, The Holy Pond of Fresh Water, and the Clear Cylinder of Lemony-Freshness. To witness such gods was seen as a blessing to the other 7 Ewoks.... But Joe WAS BORED!  
  
So, Joe climbed out a window and ran away.  
  
"Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yub nub! Nub yub! Yu- "  
  
Joe was hit by a semi.  
  
  
  
A semi was driving along, doing nothing. He only hit 6 things today. Wow..  
  
*OTHER WORLD*  
  
There, in the "People from the Southern USA who have been ran over by Semis Section,' sat a Mysterious Mystical Figure (MMF for now) and 5 Ewoks.  
  
The Ewoks were playing tag.  
  
The MMF was sitting there. Looking all mysterious, and mystical. Hmmmm.. Imagine that.  
  
King Kalesusoake IIVXIIL sat there... twitching.  
  
King Kalesusoake IIVXIIL was in charge of directing the "People from the Southern USA who have been ran over by Semis Section' to Other World. Only there was one problem.  
  
King Kalesusoake had an irrational fear.  
  
[b] DUN DUN DUN! [/b]  
  
Of MYSTERIOUS MYSTICAL FIGURES! They were just so mysterious.. And mystical. in their figure-y sort of way.  
  
Because of King Kalesusoake IIVXIIL's irrational fear, the Ewoks and MMF were all sent back to Earth.  
  
[b] PLOP! [/b]  
  
Squiggy stepped up and muttered. "Awww.. We were having such fun too."  
  
MMF stood there, mysteriously. Oh, and mystically too. We CAN'T forget the mystical-ness part of a MMF.  
  
Joe blinked his EVIL Ewok eyes.  
  
Quiggy felt the sudden undying urge to tip Nicket over.  
  
"GACK!" Nicket struggled and struggled, but as hard as he might, he couldn't stand back up.  
  
MMF smirked. ~Cow tipping was fun. Ewok trippingly be even better, I'll bet.~  
  
And thusly MMF tipped the other 4 Ewoks over and watched as they squirmed around, trying to get bck up again.  
  
MMF laughed and laughed. Silently of course for noise usually cuts back on the MMF-ness of a MMF.  
  
"Wet us go!" Fiddle cried.  
  
"Why?" MMF asked.  
  
"Uh."  
  
"How about this evil three feet tall teddy bears that eat people, I will let you free-"  
  
"YAY!"  
  
".IF you answer my question."  
  
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."  
  
"Ok. If you take a cow and put it in a blender. Then, add water, send it to the sun, and feed it grass. After that, you take the grass, add a dash of 'Pete and Pete', mix in soup, and stir in 3 drops of a witch's eye juice and put THAT in a blender with amount that Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers... THEN HOW MUCH WOOD WOULD A WOODCHUCK CHUCK IF A WOODCHUCK COULD CHUCK WOOD?! [b] AND WHEN THE BLODDY HELL WOULD THE WOODCHUCK CHUCK WOOD AT A PASSING DEER?![/b] "  
  
Joe blinked his EVIL Ewok eyes.  
  
"A butterfly can taste through its feet." Nicket said after awhile.  
  
"Ok. You can go." With that, the MMF blinked, set the Ewoks upright and WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHED away forever. Or so we think..  
  
[b] DUN DUN DUN! [/b]  
  
Then, Squiggy, Quiggy, Fiddle, Nicket, and Joe went back not so merrily to their room. And the other Ewoks never noticed they were gone because Ewoks are like that.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
^________________________________________________^  
  
Jam: You HAD to giver her Pepsi Blue, didn't you?  
  
Wes: ::grin::  
  
::sighs dreamily::  
  
Wes: I'm a good muse!  
  
Yup, much better than Jam ever was.  
  
Jam: ::grumbles, mumbles::  
  
::smirk:: Jam. you aren't JEALOUS are you?  
  
Jam ::nervously:: What? Me jealous? OF WHAT?!  
  
Never mind. Anyways, The people to guess what the three Gods were at the beginning of the story, get a FULL CAMEO or more if I want to in my story. Yup. Just say what you think they are and give me a short lil bio as well. You will be mentioned if ya get it right. Also, more than one person can win. ::wink::  
  
AND! I have a poll via Reviews. Anyone EKLSE think that Jam is jealous of my new muse?  
  
Wes: ::snerk and lays his head on my shoulder::  
  
::BLUSH::  
  
Jam: Grumble:: Review if ya wanna. I don't really care any more....  
  
I DO! REVIEW! PWEEZ! ::throws out choccy:: ^________________^  
  
SEE YA LATERZ! 


	10. Hi! My name's Claire!

A/N: Sorry it took so long. I went through a lotta junk IRL, then I had   
writers block like you'd NEVER imagine. Still kinda having it so don't   
be mad at the sucky-ness of the chapter.  
  
Jam: LAMEST excuse I've ever heard.  
  
Wes: This comingfrom a guy who uses the words LAMEST.  
  
Jam: ::blush::  
  
Wes: ::grin::  
  
::smirk::  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"ICE CREAM HERE I COME!!!!" was my battle cry as I tore through Wal-Mart  
"Gunna get me some ICEY CREAM!"  
  
When I finally reached the frozen foods aisle, I stood in awe at all the  
flavors that seemed to just be SCREAMING "EAT ME!!!!!"  
  
All of a sudden, two flying angel thingies fluttered down, portaying a   
heaven-like appearence to the whole aisle. I SWEAR the music Hallieuiah!  
was playing somewhere.  
  
So I did the only natural thing when confronted to an aisle filled with  
ice cream with no parental supervision. I began filling the cart up to   
the rim with Goodly Icey Cream.  
  
"I like Icey Cream. Any kinds of Icey Cream. I'll eat Icey Cream!  
Everyday through last Friday!" I sang repeatedly while mentally going   
through my checklist of Ice Cream.  
  
Mint Chocolate Chip? Check.  
  
Oreo? Check.  
  
Reeses? Check.  
  
Vanilla? Double Check.  
  
Rocky Road? DEFINATELY a check.  
  
Superman!? CHECK!!!!!  
  
"Ahem." A voice behind me grunted.  
  
Moose tracks? Check.  
  
"AHEM!"  
  
Double Chocolate? Check.  
  
"EXCUSE ME MISS!"  
  
"I'm listening" I said, still throwing random ice cream cartons in the   
cart.  
  
"Are you actually going to BUY all that Ice Cream?" he said, rather   
annoyed.  
  
"Yup. Yup. Yup!" I said, without looking at him. When there was no reply,  
I assumed that he had left and I went back to filling up my cart.  
  
A few moments later, I felt someone still staring at me, so I turned   
around.  
  
Only to look dead in the eyes of my first boyfriend.  
  
"GEEP!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, across the store, Hobbie and Wes were taking a look at the   
various clothes around them.  
  
"You mean to tell me," Hobbie said, looking at a pair of jeans, "That  
people actually wear these clothes of their own RIGHT?!"  
  
"I know... everything's so..... baggy." Wes muttered.  
  
"These Earthlings have no sense of fashion." Hobbie stated, holding up  
a pair of Cheroke Jeans to his waist.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"HI!" a perky saleslady poped up out of NOWHERE. "May I help you? My   
name is Claire, how may I be of service to you two gentlemen, today?"  
  
"Well..." Wes started to say.  
  
"We have a 50% sale on ALL jeans and tee-shirts today. Except those,  
those, and those."  
  
"But... thats all of the jeans and tee-shirts."  
  
"EXACTLY!"  
  
...................................................................  
  
  
"Uh.... I think we'll be fine-"  
  
"NONSENSE!" Claire said, clapping her hands together. "I'll be more  
than happy to help you in anyway I can!"   
  
"But we-"  
  
"No buts!" Claire said, grabbing hold of their arms rather forcefully,  
"Now, lets go find some good clothes for you!"  
  
The ever perky 'Claire' soon had a measurng tape out and faster than  
you could say "Diddlie Doodley BOP!" she was running around the two  
and taking their measurements.  
  
Of course, they tried to squirm away, but it was too late. They had  
run into the horror of all Wal-Mart shoppers. They had run into   
'Claire'.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ya know...." Pete said, approaching me. "I could think of a lot of  
other things to use that Ice Cream for."  
  
"You are sick and perverted."  
  
He grinned.  
  
"And may you recall that the last time I spoke with you, you ended up  
in the hospital?"  
  
He kept walking. "So?"  
  
"Also, may I remind you that you damn near KILLED me!" i said,   
menacingly.  
  
"Now you see the price for resisting my advances. Maybe now you'll  
cooperate."  
  
"No... Now I just want revenge."  
  
"HA! How can YOU hurt ME?!" he said, now less than two feet from me.  
  
I smirked. "Like this." With that, I kicked him as hard as I could  
straight in the solar plexis. (aka: the groin)  
  
He fell and started to cry as I ran through the Wal-Mart, looking   
despretely for one of the pilots.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
At the very top of the Super Wal-Mart, there sat a figure looking   
at the moniters. Each moniter was showing what our heros and heroines  
were doing. He gave a smirk as he saw that three subjects were near  
his control.  
  
"Soon. Soon you all will be mine. And then there will be NO ONE WHO  
CAN STOP ME!!!! MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-"  
  
he started coughing uncontrollably as his pet owl fluttered by him.  
  
And he would have died to. Except he is the villian of our story and  
we kida need him for the dun dun DUN plot. DAMMIT!  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ok, THATS ALL FOLKIES!  
  
Heh, I like the word folkies. Now..... do as the dancing munchkins say  
and....  
  
::breaks into song and dance with the Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz::  
  
FOLLOW THE PRETTY ARROWS! FOLLOW THE PRETY ARROWS! THEN YOU CAN REVIEW!  
REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! THIS WONDERFUL STORY! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!  
  
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	11. Not an actual chapter just a note

Sorry, I meant to include this on another chapter, but I am starting up a mailing list.  
  
Anyone who wants to be in it, plz leave ya e-mail addy and look forward for the updates from BCWYWF!!!  
  
  
Jam: You just did this to make people think this story is long.  
  
Shut up.  
  
Wes: Jam, leave Chinow alone. Its hard being a writer and having to coop with annoying muses.  
  
Yeah!  
  
Wes: As muses, we are supposed to be nice  
  
Yeah!  
  
Wes: So that maybe she'll be nice to us later on... ::wink::  
  
::blush::  
  
Jam: o.O Do I WANNA know?  
  
Me+Wes: Nope.  
  
Jam: -_-; Thought so....... 


	12. Rabid FanGirls, Another Claire Clone, an...

I was running for dear life when I saw Wedge screaming through the aisles. I've never seen a man look so. terrified before. It was kind of funny.  
  
"AHHHHHHH!!!!!! RABID FANGIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!" He yelled. I looked behind him to see a herd (literally now, a herd) of yup, you guessed it, rabid fan girls. Not just any rabid fan girls, Rabid Fan girls with "I Love Wedge" shirts and "Marry Me" signs.  
  
"Wow.. They work pretty fast. We've only been here like, what? Half an hour?" I mused as Wedge and I ran side-by side.  
  
"Just out of curiosity, what are you running from?"  
  
"My ex-boyfriend whom I thought I smashed his face in. But I guess he got it fixed, dammit." I answered, now running through the shoe department.  
  
" *Puff* *Wheeze* Why. are. they. even. here?!" Wedge asked while running. Ahead, we saw Tycho and Corran facing similar problems.  
  
"It probably has something to do with that." I said, pointed up at the huge signs everywhere that read, "Rouge and Wraith Appreciation Club Meeting Today!"  
  
The pilots stopped for a second and looked the hundreds of signs over. It might have only been a second, but it was enough for the rabid fan girls to take over.  
  
I was just about to help them when I saw Pete heading towards me; I turned the other direction, only to run into. Dun dun DUN!!!!  
  
My English Teacher.  
  
"Aw bloody hell!" I muttered.  
  
"What was that Jackie?"  
  
"Uh. Nothing ma'am." I said nervously.  
  
"Well, would you look at that?" She said, pointing at the sea of rabid fan girls, shaking her head. "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Young people today are so childish."  
  
"That might be why they are called young.. Ms. Lewis." I informed her.  
  
"Well, that may be true. But I am sooooooooooo glad that YOU would NEVER part take in anything like running around in a public place like a chicken with her head chopped of."  
  
"Of course not. I would never!" Just then, I saw Pete coming towards me with a rope. I gulped. "Sorry, Ms. Lewis, but I gotta rocket!"  
  
With that, I ran the other way, screaming like well, a chicken with her head cut off.  
  
"JACKIE! THAT IS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR!!! OME HERE SO I CAN GIVE YOU EVEN MORE HOMEWORK!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"NEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed, looking back to see a perverted asshole with a rope, and a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally old lady who looks like the Weakest Link Lady chasing me.  
  
"Aw. Shit." I quickly saw a conventely unlocked partially hidden door. I ran towards it and my pursuers luckily didn't see the conventely unlocked partially hidden door. Instead, they ran forwards, chasing nothing. Why? The world will never know.  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Vegesa was bored. She yawned. "Jeez, where is chaos and havoc when you need it, eh?"  
  
She wandered around, long since filling her cart full of sugar boxes and candy of all sorts. Not to mention a lotta chips and snack foods. Now she was bored. Her Mayhem sensors were going off so she knew SOMEWHERE people were having fun. ::sigh:: Oh to be among the lucky few.  
  
"Can I help you?"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHH! Jeez, you gave me a heart attack!" Vegesa said, looking up at the Assistant.  
  
The assistant merely blinked and asked again. "Are you lost little girl?"  
  
"Don't call me a little girl!" Vegesa stood up and kicked the Claire clone in the shin.  
  
"Ow, you'll pay for that wench!"  
  
"Eh?" Vegesa stepped back, a little surprised at the fact that she was cussed out by a Wal-Mart Lady.  
  
The deadly Claire!Clone then stood up and smiled like nothing happened. "No no. I didn't say anything. That massive head piece must affect your hearing."  
  
"I'm not wearing a massive head piece."  
  
"Yes you are, its invisible."  
  
"You're scaring me and that's not a compliment."  
  
The Claire!Clone then, with SUPER HUMAN SPEED knocked Vegesa unconscious and ran off to another conviently unlocked partially hidden door. There seem to be a lot of those at Wal-Mart, eh?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
OK! THAS THE END OF MY FIC!  
  
Jam: YOU MEAN CHAPTER BAKA!  
  
Wes: ::twap::  
  
No.. I was trying to make everyone go O.O  
  
Jam: :::rubs head:: It didn't work, dammit.  
  
Wes: Oh shut up you stupid muse.  
  
Jam: You say muse as if it were a bad thing, however you fail to realize that a muse is what I am and also that you are a muse as well.  
  
O.o  
  
Wes: ::shoots him with a blaster::  
  
^___________^  
  
Wes the gun-tooting muse: Now review or I'll sic my blaster on you!  
  
Now now, no threatening the reviewers. That's MY job.  
  
Wes: Sorry ma'am.  
  
Gun-tooting you is cooooooooooooooooooooooooool.  
  
Wes: ^________________^ 


	13. CURSE YOU SNACKS, CURSE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...

Well, ANYWAYS Jam is still intoxicated  
(We're still trying to figure out HOW that happened tho) so I made Wes watch him.  
  
::Sniffle:: I MISS MY MUSES!   
  
  
Oh well, HERES THE STORY/FIC/THING/CHAPTER/ELMO!  
  
Ok, maybe not elmo.  
  
I don't own Star Wars or coca Cola  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Selly was bored in the house again. All she wanted to do was sleep, but Jackie DID give  
her an assignment. Only, Jackie forgot to mention that Mace didn't HAVE his lightasber   
on him. I guess Jackie must have gotten it already. But glomping Mace, even without   
stealing his lightsaber, WAS fun if not successful.   
  
Hmmmm there's always Obi... yes that's right. Vegesa has Corran's, Jackie has Mace's.   
That means that Oni-Wan SHOULD still have his. Heh.   
  
Selly got up and looked over the stairs to see Obi-Wan standing there, looking outside   
window all solemn like. 'Perfect.' she thought, climbing over the railing. "He won't  
suspect a thing. MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAAAAA"  
  
"Um.... Selly right?"  
  
Selly looked down. DAMN she said that last part a loud.   
  
"Just WHAT are you- never mind. I forgot that its usually best NOT to ask whatever  
weird thing you seem to come up with."  
  
'Uh-oh. HE SUSPECTS!' "Heh. Look! Its a birdie!" she said randomly. 'good thing I   
alway say random things like that. This way, people might believe that that was what I   
was actualy doing.'  
  
Obi-Wan ighed, rolled his eyes and walked off, leaving a mad Selly in his wake.  
  
"JEEZ! Cant he jut DROP the saber?!" she muttered, climbing back over the railing.  
  
When she safetly reached the other side, she looked down only to see the object of her  
chasing.... THE LIGHTSABER!!!!  
  
"Yes yes yes yesyesyesyesyesyes!!" she said, ambling down the stairs and picking it up.  
  
  
Selly was JUST about to do her victory dance when Obi came back. He saw the lightsaber   
in her posesstion.   
  
"Oh, thanks, I thought I dropped it." He then took it from her and noticed the ever   
classic "You've got to be shittin me!" look on Selly's face. He then remembered that she   
was a very random person and decided not to comment.  
  
"CURSE YOU SNACKS!!!! CURSE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"  
  
Obi blinked at her sudden outburst and ran away, hoping the insanity wasn't contagious.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile at the evil lair.......  
  
  
"I have three in my posesstion... yes it is all going exactly to my plan... KuKuKuKuKuKu"  
  
  
The owl fluttered by the window and rolled its eyes. "Master is chuckling evily again..   
aww jeez, why do I even work for the guy???"  
  
As soon as those words left the owl's beak, a handful of owl seeds were thrown at him.  
  
"Eat, yes eat my evil Second-in-Command. For the hour is upon us!!! NOW WILL SOMEBODY   
BRING ME MY CHOCCY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile Claire!Clone wsas dragging an unconcious Vegesa around the underness of Wal-Mart.  
However, she didn't really expect the unexpected rescue in the form of something unexpected.   
Yes, something VERY unexpected, something almost.... random. Except not so because it has a  
relevence to something. Therefore its ALMOST random, but not quite.  
  
The Claire!Clone was now unconcious and Vegesa regained conciousness right as Claire gained   
UNconciousness because this is a fic and its all conviently timed like that.  
  
Vegesa looked up and LOW AND BEHOLD there stood her rescuerer.   
  
"It is I, the mightly bottle to which you owe your freedom and your life."  
  
"What the Hell?? I DON'T OWE MY FREEDOM AND MYY LIFE TO A BOTTLE OF COCA COLA!! PLEASE tell   
me that's just a costume!"  
  
The Coke Bottle blinked, how I don't know, prolly the same way a owl can talk. It IS an AU   
after all! Anyway, the Coke bottle blinked and then asked in a hurt voice. "So you won't   
save me from HER?"  
  
"Who's HER?"  
  
"The evil Pepsi Lady, she and Pepsi are after me, THEY'RE AFTER ME I TELL YA!! AHHHHHHHHHHH  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Vegesa blinked and watched as the Coke bottle went insane and ran around blindly. The   
running around blindly,. she could understand, since he had no eyes, but the screaming part   
was just a lil too X-Files for her taste so she kicked the Coke bottle and sent it careening  
throw the wall. When she looked through the wal, she saw Wes and Hobbie all tied up with gags  
in their mouths.  
  
"Wow, that Coke Botle proved useful on TWO occaisions. Maybe I should be nicer to it." she   
thought about it for two seconds then said, "Nah!" and jumped on the bottle, shattering it.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Back at the evil lair.....  
  
  
Nothing was happening. Well, nothing interesting, there was a lotta breathing going on tho. But  
wait....  
  
  
LOOK SOMETHINGS ABOUT TO HAPPEN! I think! Um..... YEAH hold on....  
  
  
Our evil villian blinked.  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile in a Random Spot in Wal-Mart, the soul survivor of BOTH Death Star Runs and the Liborator  
of Coruscant, the Man who was in Corellian Security for years and years, and an ex-Lukaskyania [1]  
captive were running. Now, you would epect these brave brave Rogues who have faced the evilest of  
all evil in their galaxy to be running from something, well evil. Well, they were. Possibly the   
scariest thing in the world..... Hormonal FanGirls.  
  
  
"WEDGE WE LOVE YOU!!!!"  
  
"MARRY ME TYCHO!!!!"  
  
"CORRAN FOREVER!!!!!!"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"  
The three screamed.  
  
Behind them, about 100 or so insane females were following them, surprisingly able to keep up, they  
had been running for nearly an hour now. All them were stupid though. They had no plan. But there   
was one girl, who had a plan. Yesh, a plan. MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_ Ooops, the author ain't   
supposed to laugh like a maniac.  
  
ANYWAYS, this one girl was LadyRouge. She was in yet another Conviently hidden Partially Locked Door  
that was ever so frequent in Wal-Mart these days. When LR saw the trio run by, she hissed at them.  
  
"Hey, you, yeah you three morons. In here."  
  
The three looked at one another before going in the door. After LR shut the door, the three collapsed.  
  
"Wow, those girls are insane, huh?" she asked.  
  
"You have NO idea. By the way, thanks." Wedge answered as soon as he could talk.  
  
"Hmmm.... I bet they're looking for you now." She risked a peak out and sure enough, they could all  
hear the panicking screams of the fangirls who lost their prey.  
  
LR smirked evily.  
  
"You... you.. You wouldnt throw us back out there.... would you??" Corran asked in terror.  
  
"No... no of course not." she said.  
  
The three sighed in relief.  
  
"IF.."  
  
The six eyes widened.  
  
"Well, heres the thing. You give me something in return and I'll give you safe passage out of here."  
  
"What do you want?" Tycho asked skeptically.  
  
LR grinnned impishly. "Oh.... nothing REALLY...."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, at the evil lair:  
  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" our evil  
villian yelled running around. "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THE EVIL VILLIAN WITHOUT ANY CHOCCY???"  
  
The owl blinked and turned its head upside down because owls do that and its coooooooooooooool.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
::sigh:: I miss my muses.... they aren't here,... I'LL GET SOME NEW MUSES!!! ::grin evilly::  
  
Darth Maul: WHAT THE HELL??????  
  
Hiya Darth-y!!  
  
Hiei: ::blink::  
  
Hiya Hiei-y!  
  
Darth Maul and Hiei: ...................  
  
-_-; Great, I get my two of mym favorite characters, but one problem, THEY NEVER TALK!!!!  
  
Hiei: Mmmf mmf mmmmmmf!!  
  
((Translation: We could talk if you'd get the gags out of our mouths!)  
  
^__^; Heh, Oh yeah... Naw, I like ya'll better this way. ::smirk::  
  
Darth Maul and Hiei: O___O  
  
  
  
What is in a name, would a review by any other name still be so helpful to one's ego??  
  
  
HELL YEAH BABY!! 


	14. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

::runs in, panting:: I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!  
  
Audience: ::ish dead from waiting so long::   
  
Heh…. Sorry about that my good friends!! Er… well, umm…I… uh…  
  
Jam: Go ahead and try to talk your way out of this one.  
  
….. Um….  
  
Jam: YOU HAVEN'T UPDATED IN OVER THREE MONTHS!!!   
  
Yeah… I know…. I sowwy…  
  
HEY!! SPECIAL SHOUT OUT TO MY FWIEND AUROREIA!!! Who got me off my lazy ass and told me to update! Now everyone go and review her stories and be Uber Uber nice to her. Also tell her to come online on Mondays at 10. Thank you, Management.  
  
Jam: -_-; Management of WHAT?!  
  
^________^ PRO-CRAST-INA-TION, Baby!! WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
Jam: -_-;;;;  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Selly sat in a very very predatorily type crouch in a random hallway. "This is it.." she muttered to herself. "As soon as Obi-Wan passes through this hallway into the kitchen, I'll jump him and get the light saber!" she, unfortunately, said this with a laughter of pure evilness. A laughter of pure evilness that is so evil, that it takes up all evil circuits in your brain. A laughter of pure evilness that is so evil, that it takes up all evil circuits in your brain, so that if you were about 99.9% evil ((as Selly was)) then all power is directed to this laughter of pure evilness that is so evil, that it takes up all evil circuits in your brain.   
  
Anyway, the point is that Selly laughed evilly and missed her opportunity. Obi-Wan was inching slowly into the kitchen having to, unfortunately, pass by the crazy girl. Or, as the people in Jackie's math class call Selly, "Crazy Girl's other crazy friend!"  
  
Obi-Wan sighed a great sigh of relief once he had passed into the kitchen "I swear these girls get weirder and weirder everyday."  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-plop-"  
  
Well ok, you cant exactly say a sound, but it was a sound nonetheless.   
  
Obi-Wan ran from the kitchen, only to trip over a dumbstruck Selly, who was staring at a random girl.   
  
Obi-Wan watched as the two had a lil staring contest before interrupting. "Um.. Excuse me bu-"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" the mysterious girl screamed.   
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Selly screamed.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" they both screamed at once.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Obi-Wan screamed, his ears had hurt.  
  
Selly and the mysterious girl stopped screaming and looked at Obi. "Geez, you don't have to shout." the girl said, brushing herself off.  
  
"Honestly, Obi… where are your manner we have a guest!"  
  
"I..I..I… I AM A GUEST TOO, YOU KNOW!" he sputtered out.  
  
"So?" both girls asked at the same time.  
  
"Oh, never mind. I just-" Poor Obi had once again been cut off of possible the longest amount of lines he's had since Chapter two, by, yp you guessed it, another scream.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" well, this one was more of a yell actually.  
  
Obi looked up to see a black shadow appearing slowly in the ceiling. "What the-" THIS Time Obi was interrupted by not just a scream. Oh no, it was a scream accompanied by a huge ass black THING falling on his head..  
  
The sound of deep breathing came into well, hearing as both Terran's faces light up.   
  
Obi pushed of his former apprentice with a grunt. "Get offa me! You weigh a ton!!"  
  
Darth Vader was thrown across the room. It took some time for them both to regain their strength as Darth Vader finally got a good view of what had broken his fall.  
  
"Who ::inhale:: are ::exhale:: you? ::inhale:: WAIT! ::exhale:: could ::inhale:: it ::exhale:: be ::inhale:: ?!?!" Darth Vader's eyes got all weirdy as a meadow suddenly appeared instead of the carpet.  
  
"This is odd." The new girl noticed.  
  
"Wonder if Jackie's mom'll notice…" Selly mused. (( Jam: HEY! I'm the muse, only I can muse! Me: Aww shaddap it's a verb! Jam: oh…))  
  
Anyway, back to the meadow. Needless to say, Obi was confused, but wouldn't you be too?  
  
"Uhh…. Not that this isn't very /I nice of you, I'm afraid I have no clue as to who you are.  
  
Darth Vader's eyes just got teary. "Its me….. Anakin!"  
  
Obi-Wan's eyes popped out of his head. "A..a…a….a…a..an..ana…..ANAKIN?!?!"  
  
Vader nodded and took a small step forward. "Your so young, you havent aged a day!"  
  
Obi was still in a shock. "Stop stealing lines from old and high wizards, Anakin! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"  
  
Darthy sniffled. "Oh Obi-Wan!!!!!!" and with that he did the ever classic Lassie run through a meadopw with birds singing and shit like that.   
  
Obi, however didn't share Vader's enthusiasm. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
And with that, Obi-Wan ran through the wall, and was never seen again.  
  
Until the next chapter that is.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Jam: THAT'S IT?! THAT'S ALL YOUR WRITING?!  
  
…… :::too tired to type:: G'night….  
  
Jam: O__O WHAT?!?!  
  
……tis three am, lemme sleeep….  
  
Jam: ITS ONLY FOUR PAGES!!  
  
…………….I write tomorra, bed now. Comfy bed…..  
  
Jam: C'MON YOU CAN DO IT!!!  
  
…….dunt make me send vader after you…..  
  
Jam: o__o;; Okie, Bye.  
  
………………………………... Review? Please….? 


	15. I do not own pygmyEwok hybrids or random...

Muses have left. See my brain for reasons why.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After I had walked into the door at Wal-Mart, I looked up to see a strange face. The face of namely my twin. 

"And what about those antelopes?" Viccy said suddenly.

"I know, jeez. Don't they have any mercy?" I answered.

"Stupid things just ran around and eat what they want!"

"I know!! Poor poor antelope prey."

"It's soooo good!" Victoria started again.

"Ah yes, a breath of heavenly goodness."

The two of us grinned. "Hey! Good to see ya again!!!"

Viccy and I have known each other since kindergarten when that thing happened….

******Flashback****** 

Teacher: Hi kids, please welcome Jacky, our new student here at Elementary School.

Kids: Hi Jacky…. O.O?

The O.O? was because Jacky had found paint and was staring at it oddly.

Chibi Viccy: Whatcha looking at?

Chibi Jacky: This.

Chibi V: If you look at paint long enough, it'll turn you into a dog.

And thus was the start of a beautiful friendship!!!!!!

******End Flashback******

Vegesa walked to the tied up Wes and Hobbie, they were unconscious. Now while I would have been happy beyond all possible belief to see this, Vegesa was just angry cause now she had to actually try and wake them up. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait……

Vegesa was happy now cause she pulled out a random rod of neptunium and smashed it over their heads. Three bops each.

Wes and Hobbie woke up. "OWWWWWIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE."

Vegesa grinned and tossed the random rod of neptunium into a random spot in her interpocketarydimensional thing. 

Wedge was mad. "YOU WANT TO WHAT?!"

LR grinned. "I wanna make out wid Hobbie!"

"Um, I'm not so sure that we can guarantee that." Tycho said.

LR sighed and went towards the door.

"Wait, what are you-" Corran started to say but was cut off by LR screaming:

"HEY RABID FANGIRLS!!!!!" 

The rabid fan girls looked around frantically, foam starting at their mouths now. But all they saw was a hidden door, but they didn't see the door cause it was hidden so well-ly. 

Wedge had his hand over her mouth. "Ok, ok… you can make out with Hobbie!!!!"

"Yay!" she said and merrily skipped on her way.

The pilots wished they could fly away. Very FAR away. 

Our evil villain watched as all the pieces were falling into place of his Master Pwan. MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA.

"Yes, now I will sit and watch all the pieces fall into my Master Pwan! MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA" he said. "Wait, no, I laugh like THIS ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku, it's the author lady who laughs like this, MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA."

The evil villain shrugged and went along his merry way, playing with his pygmy/Ewok hybrids.

The owl was quite jealous.

Our evil villain threw a handful of seeds at the owl.

The owl was quite happy.

Aurie blinked. Cause she is Aurie and that is what she does, blink. Oh sure everyone blinked, but this is Aurie and Aurie blinks.

Selly stared. Cause it was only natural.

Obi-Wan was running around. Cause its good for you. And the screaming like a baby helps your lungs.

Darth Vader was running. Cause he was chasing after his long lost master who he ended up killing. Which was plainly foreshadowed in Attack of the Clones. Remember….?

******Flashback******

Obi-Wan walked into the cantina. "One of these days, you'll be the death of me."

::awkward silence::

Obi-Wan. "….. Hey, uh… aren't you going to tell me I'm wrong?"

Anakin was smirking evilly and said evilly. "Oh yes, of course…. My /master/. "

Obi-Wan looked scared. "GEORGE!! I REQUEST A RE-WRITE!! I'M TOO CUTE TO DIE!!"

GL: Ok, you'll die when you're old and senile.

Obi-Wan cheered. "Yay! Wait, uh… that's still sort of bad!"

Anakin. "MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

******End Flashback******[1]

Okie, it didn't go QUITE like that, but you get the point, right?!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[1] ONE and ONE of these flashbacks was actually real. KUDOS TO ANYONE WHO CAN GUESS WHICH ONE!!!!


	16. Hoooo

A/N: Heh ^_^* REALLY REALLY REALLY Sorry its late guys! I uh…… um…..

Jam: Uh oh….

Wes: Here it comes…

Darth Maul: The Insane Excuse

I had to do stuff that was not writing/typing/whatever and I'm really really sorry, it wont happen again, well, it prolly will because I'm a lazy ass and thusly forget everything I'm supposed to do but REALLY I did have a few personal conflicts and resolutions to work out and then there were exams and report cards and THAT'S NEVER a good thing and then of course there was the holidays in which I did….. Nothing but STILL it's always good for an excuse when ya need one I mean, yeah? ::collapses due to lack of air::

Jam: She said that all in one breath.

Darth Maul: The Dark Side gives her abnormal powers, one being able to talk A LOT

Wes: And yeah, she does have pretty good stamenia.

Darth Maul: I don't want to know, do I?

Jam: It concerns Chinow….. No, you don't wanna know.

DISCALIMER-

Jam: Haven't done one of those in a while

Heh, I forgot bout them.

Jam: YOUR GUNNA GET SUED!!!

NEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Wes: NO! THAT CAN'T HAPPEN!

Darth Maul: then let her say the disclaimer already!

I do not own Star Wars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! …..or ducks.

Muses: o.O? DUCKS?!?!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jacky and Viccy were awalking through the random halls known as the Evil Guys evil Lair. During which, they heard many screams, but were lost in the world known as Random Chatter to actually comprehend any of it.

Had they been paying attention, they would have seen such marvels as Nuns eating the brains of Mice, The Sun attacking the world, random idiots walking a line to a boiler, and the ever popular Elmo smoking Pot.

Silly Elmo. 

So they went walking, past the grannies playing rugby, past the Pepsi Cans slaughtering the Coke cans and past the random idiot tosses pink flowers from Mordor.

Just then, Aurie popped up." That's from my story!!!"

Jacky looked at her. "You quoted from my story so I get to quote from YOUR story."

Aurie blinked. "Oh....."

"So you ended up here as well?"

"Yah."

Viccy was still talking about bowls and how they should be flat like the earth, never mind that Jacky had stopped talking.

"With a Jedi?" I asked.

"Nope! With a Spiff Darth Vader!"

"SA-WEET!"

They both blinked then I said, "I never said that got it?"

"Got it."

"Steal his lightsaber."

"Spiff."  


"Bye."

"Bye."

Then Aurie went away back to the other world while Viccy ran into a wall and cussed it out in Ghetto Language.

"Um, Victoria?" Jacky asked. 

"Yes?" She said, taking a break from cussing.

"You not even IN the Ghetto nor have you ever BEEN there."

"So?"

"Carry On."

"OKIE!"

So Viccy continued to cuss out the wall while Jacky started talking to a butterfly about why it always beats its wings and causes a tornado 5,000 miles away. Its answer, "Trying to get back at my cousin, Bob, lives in Illinois."

So thusly the eternally confusing question was answered. 

"ACK! OWL!" Our evil villain squawked running around with his arms flailing.

The owl looked at the evil villain.

"SHE'S CUSSING OUT MY DOOR!!!! WHY IS SHE CUSSING OUT MY DOOR?"

"Hoooo." the owl hooted.

"HER!"

"Hoooo." the owl hooted again.

"HER!!!" 

"Hoooo." the owl hooted again again.

"HER!"

"Hoooo." the owl hooted again again again.

"HER!" 

"Hoooo." the owl hooted again again again again.

"HER DAMN YOU OWL, HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" our evil villain yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Hoooo." the owl hooted yet again as that was the only thing an owl could say.

"GAH!!!" With that, our evil villain imploded.

However since he is necessary for our plot, he will be brought back to life. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Darth Maul: Where were the ducks?

Hroom?

Jam: In the disclaimer, you mentioned ducks.

No I didn't.

Wes: Yes you did...

NO I DIDN'T!!

Muses: Ducks? What are ducks? I've never heard of a "duck"

^_____________________________^

LONG LIVE THE ART OF REVIEWING!! IT ISH NOT YET DEAD!!!!!!


	17. good job, you broke the evil lair

Our story opens with a trench. A heavily guarded trench where nobody, not even rabid reviewers, can touch our beloved Author Goddess. We zoom in to see her ferociously typing at her computer, hoping to update her fanfic which she had sadly, let drip into a comatose state.

Then, Darth Maul is thrown out of the trench, into the line of fire.

Maul: o.o;;;;;;; Chinow is sorry!

Me:throws a stool at him:

Maul: OW! Okay, okay:bows: She also does not own Star Wars, but she does own a bomb shelter in a secluded location where you can't be angry at her.

That is all.

A/N is fucking up my formatting so bear with me while I try to fix this….

_I._

Jackie was staring at the door. Viccy popped up and poked it with a stick.

"So…."

"So…."

"Soooo….."

"Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo….."

"Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…."

Viccy cleared her throat and channeled James Earl Jones for a second, "**_SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_** :cough hack cough: oooo…."

Just as Jackie was about to admit her defeat, the door and walls caved in from Viccy's amazing alto power. "Good job… you broke the evil lair."

"I did not!" Viccy countered, still trying to cough up the hairball.

"Whatever…" I sighed and looked to my left. "Hey! Look! It's Lady Rogue and the pilots!"

Viccy looked up, then looked to our right, "Isn't that Vegessa, Wes, and…"

"HOBBIE!" a shout came as a blurry blur thing flew passed the two brazen explorers and latched itself onto aforementioned pilot.

Hobbie barely had time to blink before he was picked up by Lady Rogue and dragged off somewhere, never to be seen again.

The rest of the group shook their heads, sighing. "Poor poor Hobbie." Except for Wes, who was grinning.

"Bow chicka wa wa, chika wa wa chika _bow._" He hummed, doing a little dance as he mocked his wing mate's porno-y fate.

A clearing of the throat focused all their attention forward where an angry evil man stood, his face scrunched up. "WHO DARES BREAK MY EVIL LAIR!"

"Told ya you broke it." I muttered to Viccy who stuck her tongue out at my in response.

Meanwhile, back at the house… 

_II_

Aurie was still blinking. When asked by Selly fifteen minutes ago why, Aurie simply responded, "I like celery."

Selly had simply shrugged at this before walking over to Obi-Wan, who was currently being glomped by Darth Vader. She tapped his shoulder, "You two love birds done yet?"

She was met by a glare of the evilest of proportions. Obi-Wan had had enough. "Anakin! If you don't get off, I'll never give you back the rubber ducky!"

Just then, Darth-y found the cabinet on the other side of the room highly entertaining. He sniffled. "Paulo is all I have left of my childhood… :shniffle shniffle:"

Selly sighed. "Well, now that _that_ sub-plot is over, what are we going to do next?"

Obi-wan shrugged as the storyline shifted over to Aurie and Vader who were hanging out by the cabinet.

"What's in here?" Aurie asked, poking the door.

Vader shrugged. "Let's find out." He raised his hand and ripped off the door to the cabinet. Reaching in, he pulled out a bottle and stared blankly at the label. "What is Te-quill-a?" he asked, putting emphasis on every syllable.

Aurie smirked, remembering the task Jackie had given her earlier. "Oh… it's good, like Uber-Water."

_III_

Jackie sniffed the air. "TEQUILA!"

Viccy glared. "No! Down girl!"

"Aww… Whyyyy?"

**_Flashback_**

Chernobyl.

**_Flashback_**

The London Fire.

**_Flashback_**

Rome being attacked and burnt to the ground.

**_Flashback_**

Three Mile Island

**_Flashback_**

The Death Star.

**_Flashback_**

Eruption of Mt. Vesuvius.

**_End Flashback_**

"Just… no…" Viccy said firmly.

Jackie pouted.. "Aww…"

"Hey! Hey! Evil Villain over here!" our evil villain who was over there stated.

"Squawk. Evil Villain. Squawk." His pigeon chattered.

Jackie raised her eyebrow. "Why the hell is that pigeon talking like a parrot?" she whispered to Viccy.

"HE'S NOT A PIGEON!" Evil Villain shouted. "He's an owl."

"Dude… That's the shitiest lookin' owl I've ever seen." Jackie countered, making a face at the parrot/pigeon/owl.

"That's because he eats bad bird seed."

"Owls don't eat bird seed, they eat pigeons."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too times infinity!"

"Do not times _positive_ infinity!"

"Oooooooooooooh…" The spectators ohhed and ahhed at this play.

The two glared at each other. In the distance, the parrot/pigeon/owl thing ruffled its feathers. It wasn't even paying attention when an owl swooped down from above and ate it.

Evil Villain stomped his feet. "I'm telling you! He's an owl! Just _look_ at him!" He pointed at the owl, cleaning his beak off of the former owl/pigeon/parrot.

Jackie blinked. "What the Hell!"

Evil Villain blinked. "Nooooooooooooo! HE ATE MY OWL! BASTARD PIGEON!"

Evil Villain then proceeded to blow up the owl/pigeon with his Destruct-O-Ray. Because that's what evil villains do. The owl of course, flew away. Because that's what owls do. Got that kids? Evil Villain is to Destruct-O-Ray as Owls are to Flying. Now you too, can pass the analogy section of any test.

A few minutes passed. The rest of the crew was inching away, leaving only Evil Villain, who was now sobbing like a baby over the loss of his owl/pigeon/parrot, and Jackie, who was sitting on the ground playing tic-tac-toe.

Within a few minutes, Evil Villain was playing, too. The two sat down and had a chat. They learned much about one another. Evil Villain's real name was, of course, Evil Villain. But his friends called him Azzy the Wiser. Jackie just decided to call him Azzy.

"Ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku ku… I'm winning now!" Azzy the Wiser said, marking an X in the upper right corner.

Jackie wrote down a strategically placed "O" and won the game. "BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Azzy pouted. "May you never again feel the blessing of the Holy Milk of Victory."

_IV_

:yawn: Okay, I think that's enough.

R&R pweez! -


End file.
